Your Tour Guide Through Cinema Trash (and Treasures)

Mar 27, 2021

She Mob (1968)

 


A "she mob" kidnaps a gigolo in hopes that a wealthy woman will pay the ransom.  A sexy private investigator dressed like a super-spy is hired to retrieve her gigolo.

My Tale Is Hot (1964)

 

A nudie-cutie about a goofy schmuck who gets repeatedly tempted to cheat on his wife by the devil in an effort to claim a soul for hell.

Moonshine Love (1969)

 


An ultra-cheap black & white hicksploitation flick about a criminal who gets amnesia and winds up in love with a moonshiner's daughter.

Vicious Blonde (1968)



In 1968 Nick Millard took a trip to Munich and recorded enough footage for three movies.  What came out of it was this mess.  He subsequently blamed the film's lack of success on the leading lady, Karla Fischer.

Women in Heat Behind Bars (1987)

 

(Original Title: Ori no naka no hoshigaru onnatachi) A WIP film from Japan.  It follows the usual WIP tropes but with a Japanese style - which means there are farts, but no pubic hair.

Midnight Obsession (1995)

 

(Original Title: Fuga di mezzanotte) A hardcore WIP film from Joe D'Amato.  The title alludes to Midnight Express, but really doesn't represent this film very well. A title liked "Raped Behind Bars" would've been more appropriate.

Too Good to Be True (1997)

 

A throwaway erotic thriller that never even got a VHS or DVD release.  One of those films that appeared on Cinemax one night, never to be heard from again.  Until now.  From a director mainly known for his music videos for New Edition and writing the shitty new Pink Panther films.

Night of the Groping Dead (2001)



It's time for your semi-annual dose of Misty Mundae.  That means an ultra-cheap, ultra-sleazy semi-entertaining "film" awaits.

Mar 26, 2021

Burlesque Massacre (2011)

 


A group of strippers are invited to stay at the home of a stripper's creepy brother. As you might have predicted, they get killed.

It Happened in the Boarding School (1985)

 


(Original Title: Sucedió en el internado) An Argentinian film about a boarding school which is being stalked by a mysterious killer. 

Mar 25, 2021

Gatta alla pari (1994)

 


An Italian film featuring Malù which is about a group of people having sex in a big house, and not much more than that.

La desnuda chica del relax (1981)

 


A sleazy Spanish film about a group of criminals who go around raping women, doing drugs and stealing shit. 

Erotic Tales (1980)

 


(Original Title: Cuentos eróticos) Nine erotic shorts each by a different director and writer.  It seems like an excuse to show women naked on the pretense of "art". I'm all for it.  Notable for the involvement of the great Emma Cohen who directs one short and gets big-time naked in another.

Mar 21, 2021

Catalan Cuckold (1979)

 

(Original Title: Salut i força al canut) A sexologist turns thirty and his life turns upside down when his wife leaves him and he's back on the market.

Women's Reformatory (1986)

 

I'm not sure if we'll ever reach the bottom of the WIP genre. We've certainly covered a ton, but there are many more to go. Argentina didn't put out many WIP flicks, so this is one is special.

The Garbage is in the Attic (1979)

 


(Original Title:La basura está en el ático) I'll watch anything with Raquel Evans - especially one that's directed by the so-called Roger Corman of Spain, Ignacio F. Iquino.  

A Cousin in the Bathtub (1976)

 


Jesús Guzmán plays a hapless playboy who desperately wants his millionaire aunt's fortune.  The "good life" soon turns sour when his sexy cousin Isabel arrives.

The Impeccable Sinner (1987)

 


(Original Title: El pecador impecable) A forty-year-old virgin goes on with his life after the death of his overbearing mother.  For the first time he contends with an active sex life and three women who want to marry him... but he only has eyes for a fifteen-year-old rollergirl (!).

Mar 20, 2021

A Wife, Two Friends, Four Lovers (1980)

 


(Original Title: Una moglie, due amici, quattro amanti)  This Italian sex comedy is almost the exact same film as The Love Bug from the same year.  A bunch of scientists in a resort are put in compromising situations by an aphrodisiac. In this film it's the juice from a fruit; in The Love Bug it was the bite of an insect.

Police Destination Oasis (1982)

 

(Original Title: L'oasis des filles perdues) This movie has me stumped.  In 1974 there was a movie about sex slave traffickers called The House of the Lost Dolls which used damn near twenty minutes of film from an unrelated movie called Agent Sigma 3: Mission Goldwather (1967) starring Jack Taylor and Silvia Solar.  Now, in 1982 we have another movie about sex slave traffickers which ALSO incorporates twenty minutes of Agent Sigma 3: Mission Goldwather. What in the ever lovin' fuck is going on?  Different movies, different cast and crew, different decades... but both about sex slavery and feeling the need to splice in twenty minutes of a film from the 1960s which has not a goddamn thing to do with anything.  Am I missing a key bit of information here? I have theories...

Mar 19, 2021

From Girl to Woman (1982)

(Original Title:  De niña a mujer) A coming of age story; not a typical VZ1 flick, but it does have boobs and problematic sexual situations.  So, let's give it a look.

Look at the Popcorn (1985)

 


(Original title: Mirame la palomita) How many Olmedo y Porcel movies have we covered at this point?  At least ten - and I'm looking forward to ten more.  I think I love these because we've never had a comedy team like this in the US in my lifetime - where the duo is equally silly as they are perverted. They would have been considered too cheesy in the seventies, and too politically incorrect in the recent decades.  The UK at least had Benny Hill; Italy, Mexico and other countries had equivalents.  In the States we have nothing remotely like this - the closest we got was Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin. 

Dirty World (1978)

 

(Original Title: Porco Mundo) An Italian film about hypocritical politicians, blackmail, murder and drug abuse.  It's a dirty world indeed.

Swedish Bisexual Needs a Stud (1982)

 

(Original Title: Sueca bisexual necesita semental) A rich guy in a wheelchair can't satisfy his nympho wife.  So, that job is left to his secretary, his son, and yes, even his horse.

Mar 18, 2021

Very Close Encounters of the Fourth Kind (1978)

 

(Original Title: Incontri molto... ravvicinati del quarto tipo) Three nerds disguise themselves as aliens in order to get a foxy astronomer and her maid to get naked.

High School Fantasies (1974)

 


James Bryan directed The Dirtiest Game and Escape to Passion in 1970; true classics.  He stayed with B-movies, but from then onward it was more hit-or-miss, with several ventures into porn  before a very successful career as sound editor.  This film stars Rene Bond and is set in the 1950s. 

Cut and Run (1985)

 

This film was originally to be directed by Wes Craven and starring Dirk Benedict!  Instead it's directed by Cannibal Holocaust's Ruggero Deodato - who seems an odd choice to pair with Willie Aames, Richard Lynch, and Lisa Blount.  

Mar 17, 2021

Cannibal Ferox (1981)

 


Another Italian cannibal film; this one by Umberto Lenzi.  Judging by the VHS box art, I'd always thought this was up there with Cannibal Holocaust (1980), perhaps a sequel.  While it shares a lot in common, with awful animal killings and unflinching gore, it doesn't have anywhere near the gritty "snuff" vibe of Cannibal Holocaust.

Orgasmo nero (1980)

 


A Joe D'Amato erotic tropical movie starring Nieves Navarro, who at the age of 42, still looks damn good - and seems to have gotten less shy as the years went on.  Basically the story is that a rich couple take in a island native girl; things go south, and they should have seen it coming a mile away.

Sacrifice! (1972)

 

(Original Title: Il paese del sesso selvaggio; AKA Man from Deep River) This film is seen as either the inspiration or the beginning of the cannibal genre,

Mar 16, 2021

Zombie Holocaust (1980)

 


Following clues relating to gruesome mutilations, a group travels to a mysterious island where they must fight a mad scientist and his zombie army. 

Cannibal Holocaust (1980)

 

I was inclined to avoid reviewing this one since it's so well known, becoming more and more infamous over the years.  With the initial controversy (resulting in actual murder charges against Deodato) inviting urban myths that this was actually snuff, the film's cult status was assured.  So, let's take a walk through this notorious cannibal film.

Eaten Alive! (1980)

 


It had been less than two years since Jim Jones People's Temple cult in Guyana committed mass suicide resulting in the deaths of over 900 people. It was clearly still fresh on people's minds, and fodder for exploitation films.  This is an Italian production filmed in Sri Lanka featuring VZ1 MVP Paola Senatore.

Mar 15, 2021

Nazi Love Camp 27 (1977)

 


A Nazisploitation film from Italy starring Sirpa Lane.  It's a WIP film of sorts, as all the women are captives in the infamous "Joy Division" of the SS.

The Wax Mask (1997)

 

(Original Title: M.D.C. - Maschera di cera) The film was supposed to be directed by Lucio Fulci, but he died, so Argento handed the directing job to Sergio Stivaletti, who had worked with the greats but never directed before. 

Devil in the Flesh (1991)

 

(Original Title: Il diavolo nella carne) A Joe D'Amato hostage film.  There were so many of these "Desperate Hours" type films ranging from The House at the Edge of the Park to Stronghold (1985), from Night of the Wilding (1990) to Devil's Sunday (1979). It should have its own genre (and maybe it does), named something like Hostageploitation. It's the same basic story: men (often criminals) break into a home (or place of work) and hold everyone hostage. While they're there, the women are often raped and abused as tension mounts.  Like Naked Massacre (1976), the hostages in this film are nurses; but unlike that film, they aren't necessarily victims.

Emmanuelle in Soho (1981)

 


We've seen Emmanuelle movies from all over the world: France, Germany, Greece, Italy and the US.  Here is the British entry.

Emmanuelle, Queen of Sados (1980)

 

Technically not a proper Emmanuelle movie, as Gemser's character is named Emmanuella (the "Emmanuelle" title was only added for certain releases); however, it is no less sleazy.

Mar 14, 2021

Sister Emanuelle (1977)

 


The Italian Emanuelle movies dipped their toe in so many exploitation genres [cannibal films, for example, with Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals (1977)], and here we have nunsploitation. 

Emanuelle Around the World (1977)

 


Very much like D'Amato's Emanuelle in America  from the same year, he takes the kitchen sink approach and floods the film with every sleazy exploitation element you can imagine.  

Lady Emanuelle (1989)

 


This Emanuelle entry from France has almost no plot, and is really just a vehicle to show off Malù's gorgeous body as much as possible.... and I'm all for it.

Emmanuelle's Perfume (1993)

 


Okay, I promise this is the last of the '93 Emmanuelle series. They're odd enough to intrigue me with George Lazenby and Sylvia Kristel as a couple old farts on a plane, while a "Young Emmanuelle" has the power of Tibetan sex magic.  

Mar 13, 2021

Emmanuelle Forever (1993)

 

We've covered a few other '93 Emmanuelle movies - a series of films where Emmanuelle has Tibetan magic which makes her youthful again, and allows her to possess people (!).  Each film has featured a crotchety and cobwebbed George Lazenby and Sylvia Kristel aboard a plane sharing stories from her past. I guess I've watched these out of order, because I've been a little nonplussed by the fact that Marcela Walerstein as Young Emmanuelle has figured into the story very little.  This one explains things better and Walerstein is a bit more prominent. 

Mar 12, 2021

Emmanuelle in Venice (1993)

 

As mentioned in Emmanuelle's Love (1993), there were a series of films in 1993 which had a weird premise of Emmanuelle possessing Tibetan magic which can make her young and also assume other identities. What you'll learn from watching these films is that neither of the ladies on the video covers (Krystel and Walerstein) do much - they are very much Krystyna Ferentz's films. 

Emmanuelle's Love (1993)

 


The early nineties Emmanuelle movies featured a return of Sylvia Krystel, but only as a wraparound character who relates stores from her past.  The central premise of each movie was a bit odd - where a Emmanuelle is given super powers from Tibet where her youth is restored... and, even odder, she can assume the soul of others, even transform their appearances using a magic perfume.  

Divine Emanuelle (1981)

 

(Originally titled Love Camp and Die Todesgöttin des Liebescamps) Another example of film being retitled with the Emanuelle brand even though it has nothing to do with that series of movies.  The story involves Laura Gesmer as the "Divine Goddess" of a free love cult.

Emanuelle in the Country (1982)

 

(Original Title: Messo comunale praticamente spione) This Italian comedy was rebranded an Emanuelle film after the success of that series.  Laura Gemser (the Italian counter to Sylvia Krystal) is in this film, but her name is Selenia - but when it was dubbed, her name is now Emanuelle.

Emmanuelle Exposed (1982)

 

(Original Title:Las orgías inconfesables de Emmanuelle) Jesús Franco makes his entry into the Emmanuelle genre. Not that it has anything whatsoever ever to do with the Emmanuelle movies; Franco clearly just renamed the film and titular character to ride the gravy train.  

Mar 11, 2021

Emanuelle in America (1977)

 


Another Joe D'Amato-Laura Gemser Emanuelle flick - but this one is different.  Not only is it just relentlessly sleazy, it also contains an infamous "snuff film" which is beyond disturbing - easily the most realistic and unsettling "found footage" moments in film. The snuff film section inspired David Cronenberg to write "Videodrome" (1983), and I have to think Cannibal Holocaust (1980) also owes some inspiration.  It's just a small portion of the film that is just balls-to-the-wall from start to finish - exemplifying what it means to be a seventies exploitation film.

Emmanuelle 5 (1987)

 


The fifth installment of the Emmanuelle series stars Monique Gabrielle and directed by Walerian Borowczyk - so you think this is going to be an automatic banger.  However, Borowczyk had issues with the producers, and what resulted was an unfinished absolute mess.  There is a seemingly infinite number of versions out there, each trying to piece together things differently, even inserting footage from other films (even hardcore footage for the French VHS version).  But you can't polish a turd, and this film proves it.