Your Tour Guide Through Cinema Trash (and Treasures)

Feb 5, 2023

Fly Me the French Way (1974)


If you're ranking the top French hotties of the seventies, Joëlle Coeur's name better be at or near the top or we've got a problem. The title of this film may have sold tickets but it really doesn't represent the movie at all - which is about a satanic cult and blackmail.

Strange Occasion (1976)


(Original Title: Quelle strane occasioni) Italian anthology consisting of three stories about sex.

Sexterror (1990)


(Original Title: Viol au téléphone) A Michel Ricaud film about a porn studio which is burglarized. Compromising photos are stolen and used as blackmail against the various actresses to make them perform a number of humiliating acts.

Violated (1984)


A young soap star gets raped and, rather than justice served, her life and career are ruined.  This plays like a TV movie of the week, but with some surprising moments of sleaze.

Cross of the Seven Jewels (1987)


(Original Title: La croce dalle 7 pietre) A very odd werewolf movie from Italy.  Featuring Annie Belle, the mob, a satanic cult, and the lamest looking wolfman in history.

The Party Animal (1984)


An insufferable loser can't get laid to save his life, despite numerous attempts with the help of the university stud.  When the usual hijinx such as dressing up as a girl to get into a sorority come up empty, he invents an aphrodisiac which finally does the trick.  Featuring a soundtrack that is way too good for this film.

The Little Bride (1976)


(Original Title: La Sposina) Just as in another Italian film Secret Fantasy (1971) a husband is found to be impotent and they try a variety of creative ways to get him erect.

Le Diable Rose (1988)


A cabaret in occupied France serves as a safe haven for the Resistance.  Among the performers at Le Diable Rose (The Pink Devil) is Brigitte Lahaie.  It's an extremely well made comedy with a decent budget.

Perversion in Paradise (1981)


There have been a few naughty Adam and Eve flicks over the years. The Sin of Adam and Eve (1969) comes to mind; Human Animals (1983) and The Incredible Sex Revolution (1965) also had sleazy Adam & Eve elements. This odd Spanish take features VZ1 favorite Andrea Albani.

Madness (1980)


(Original title: Vacanze per un massacro) Starring the great Lorraine De Selle - an escaped criminal returns to he site where hid his stolen loot, only to find it occupied by a beautiful woman.

The Driver (2002)


A dimwitted bus driver enjoys the late shift as he fantasizes about being a ladies man at every stop. An Eastern European film with decent production values; or at least looks well made.

Forbidden Sense (1995)


A photographer wants to become a film director, but he has to sleep around and compromise himself in order to get the film funded.  But all that is secondary to his bed hopping, which takes up nearly all the run time.

Carnal Intrigues (1991)


An adult film about the various infidelities and backstabbing surrounding a certain businessman from both his wife and employees.

Berlin Caper (1989)


A German adult film about a thief and his friends who plot to steal the contents of a rich couple's safe.  

Xstasy (1985)


A man convinces his boring wife to get a little "experimental" to save their marriage.  But this has the effect of turning her into an insatiable sex animal.

Heidi 3 (1990)


(Original Title: Heidi 3: In der Heidi ist's am schönsten)  Heidi leaves the pastoral Bavarian countryside to take a job with a hedonistic rich family in the big city.  

The Mirror of Desire (1996)


(Original Title: Le miroir du désir) A couple who run a dance studio manipulate the dancers for their sex games.

Rocket Video RCTD-473


[See the Rocket Video Main Page] More Rocket Video mayhem from Japan. In this episode, an alien virus from outer space that turns anyone into a high-cut leotard brainwashed zombie. An example of a "haigure" movie.

Bite (1991)


A light-hearted porno vampire film featuring Alicyn SterlingP.J. Sparxx and others.

Miss Todd's Secret Fantasies (1988)


Tracey Adams stars as a dowdy prudish woman from another country who stays with a guy who has nonstop sex.  Will she leave in disgust or eventually submit to his horny ways?  I think you know the answer.

I Want to Be Nasty! (1991)


Don't watch a video based on it's VHS box.  At this point, I think that's just a lesson I'm never going to learn.  This is one of the lamest pornos ever put behind the beaded curtain.

Jan 30, 2023

A Woman in the Night (1979)


(Original Title: Una donna di notte) Starring the Lorraine De Selle as the muse for a respectable writer having to churn out porn novels to pay alimony.

Gentle, But Sassy Like Oskar (1980)


(Original Title: Zärtlich, aber frech wie Oskar) A German sex comedy about a teenager who falls for a girl at the lake, but the summer love was soon forgotten when school resumed (a lot like Grease). However, a return trip to the lake rekindles the romance, but is hampered by his three new girlfriends, and the girl's overprotective cop father.

The Freaks Attack (1978)


(Original Title: As Taradas Atacam) The narrator of a radio show called "Barulho na Cidade" (Noise in the City) tells five erotic episodes.

Lola's Secret (1984)


(Original Title: Il peccato di Lola) A remake of the Sylvia Kristel film Private Lessons.  A rich teenager lusts over the housekeeper while his parents are away.

O Lago Maldito (1980)


Described as a "mummy film with no script", the film has no sound, and is really just a compilation of B&W clips involving a mad scientist, mummy and several female victims.  Sounds terrible, but it's done so artfully, that I couldn't take my eyes off it.

White Skin on the Black Market (1969)


(Original Title: Weiße Haut auf schwarzem Markt) A Erwin C. Dietrich film which could be considered a Schulmädchen-Report film as it takes a faux documentary style with rapid fire stories.  This one is a look at sex trafficking using documents from the UN Anti-Slavery Society (or so they say).

Husbands and Lovers (1991)


(Original Title:  La villa del venerdì) An extremely self-important melodrama of the most boring variety; impossible to watch were it not for the fact that Joanna Pacula keeps refusing to keep her clothes on.

Lethal Affairs (1996)


A rather ambitious porno involving Russian spies, stolen plutonium and whatnot.

Private Tuition (1986)


(Original Title: Cours privé) A French film about a teacher who is scandalized by a photograph of an orgy which circulates at the school.  There is a figure whose face is cut out, and everyone thinks it's her.

Pink Panorama (1989)


Even though the plot was simple and paper-thin, much was lost in translation in this German porno about a businessman who is going bankrupt and won't get help from his rich wife, and so resorts to devious means via his daughters.  But none of this obviously matters - it's all about the sex and trashy Euro eighties styles.

Little Richard Getting Big (1989)


Another German GTO porno oddity.  A loser finds himself in trouble when he recovers stolen money and the criminals want it back. 

Naked and Funny (Part 2)


(Original Title: Голые и смешные) This is a Russian comedy show much like the naughty Candid Camera series we covered on VZ1 (except for the fact that it's clearly all staged). See Part 1 for more information on the Naked & Funny series.  We'll cover five more gags here.

Naked and Funny (Part 1)


(Original Title: Голые и смешные) This is a Russian comedy show much like the naughty Candid Camera series we covered on VZ1. Starting in 2005, the show was wildly successful and actually ran for twelve years with over 325 episodes. It first spread to Ukraine and then to a number of foreign markets - which was quite easy due to the fact that the show contains no dialog. Dialog-free format, universal humor and sex appeal - a recipe for global success if there ever was one. Indeed, Naked & Funny was the top rated series on Comedy Central Netherlands and South Africa outperforming numerous famous US shows.

Jan 27, 2023

Quiet Days in Clichy (1970)


(Original title: Stille dage i Clichy) Based on a semi-autobiographical novel by Henry Miller; an artsy flick with music by Country Joe.

Last Foxtrot in Burbank (1973)


Fairly notorious film due to the involvement of both Charles Band and John Carpenter.  It's a remake of the Brando film Last Tango in Paris.

Gotta Get You Into My Wife (1989)


A struggling matchmaking agency does a promotional stunt where one of the owners will himself pimp himself out to a grand prize winner for promotional purposes.  And yes, I watched this because of the title (even though this is a German flick and the title has nothing to do with anything).

Lover's Trance (1990)


As a party trick a man is hypnotized to kill another guest - but the game gets out of hand when the it leads to actual murder.

Lust Incorporated (1988)


An uptight and straightlaced businessman arrives in Germany and is set up with a house to rent.  Unfortunately for him, the realtor also hands the keys to a couple of ne'er do wells who also stake a claim to the residence.

Pearl of Passion (1987)


[See the VZ1 Series Page for a list of all the Electric Blue flicks.]An insurance company sends out one of its agents to guard jewels supposedly recovered from the lost continent of Atlantis that exhibit strong aphrodisiac powers.

Erotic Zones the Movie (1985)


There were a series of Twilight Zone pornos; this is actually the third.  It contains three stories.

Hospitality Sweet (1988)


We've covered a lot of plotless movies, but at least there has been some kernel of a story, some small character or trope to hang your hat on.  This porno has absolutely nothing aside from the fact that it is set in a hospital.  So, I'd love to provide the usual walkthrough of the story, but alas there is none to be found.

Sexy Six Pack (1990)


A plotless German flick about... well not about much othen a bunch of Germans having sex.

Jan 21, 2023

A Super Fêmea (1973)

A company plucks a beautiful woman out of obscurity to be the model for a new drug - one that acts as a birth control pill for men. 

Wild Attraction (1992)


An impotent orchestra conductor gets off on seeing his wife with other men.  But their sex games get out of hand with a painter who falls in love with the wife.

The Hottest Bid (1995)


A successful lawyer bids on a dog at a charity bachelor auction as a statement.  Her friend reluctantly agrees to enter the auction - and both of them end up changed by the event.

Marital War (1974)


(Original Title: Guerra Conjugal) A highly acclaimed film based on a short story collection which revolve around three sets of characters: a bickering elderly couple, a lawyer who fashions himself a casanova until he meets a comically odd woman, and a young man struggling to find the right sexual fit for himself.

Sex Humor (1992)


The Argentinian equivalent of National Lampoon, or El Papus in Spain - Sex Humor was an adult humor magazine that found its way to a film adaptation.

Eve's Beach Fantasy (1999)


April Adams stars as a girl who gets to house sit for her uncle at a Saint Tropez beach.  Not much beyond that in terms of plot.

The Stepdaughter (1976)


(Original Title: La figliastra) Starring the great Sonja Jeannine - a Sicilian nobleman stands to lose his fortune unless he can produce an heir.