Dec 27, 2024

Geteven (1993)


(AKA Champagne and Bullets / Road to Revenge) Sometimes cited as one of the worst movies ever made. I'd have to agree that you rarely see a film with so many layers of bad: terrible soundtrack, awful acting, insanely stupid dialog, even stupider plot, and on it goes. But it does have heart (and boobs), so let's have a look.














































CHARACTERS
RATING: ★★★★★★★☆☆☆ 7/10

REVIEW: [8/10/22] Yeah, it is one of the worst films ever made in that the acting, directing, and dialog are unbelievably bad - and Rick's line dancing song sends it over the edge. However, Pamela Jean Bryant shows her tits a lot, there are satanists, William Smith and Wings Hauser - so still a lot to love here. [5/10]

SECOND SPIN: [12/27/24] ... A lot to love and yet I still gave it five stars? I had an absolute blast watching this wonderfully shitty movie. There's not much better in this world than an exceedingly bad and trashy action movie.

SYNOPSIS

Rick Bode (John De Hart) is on a raid; an ill-fated mission. De Hart is the film's writer and director. So, he's to blame. Huck Finney (Wings Hauser) also takes part in the raid. Their commanding officer is Normad (William Smith). Time passes and Normad becomes a judge. He screws over Rick and Huck. They have to quit the force - framed for the raid which Normad was a part of. Huck and Rick become beer guzzling bums. Rick and Huck head to Lainie's Bar. Rick and Cindy (Pamela Jean Bryant) used to be an item, but they broke up. Rick delivers a line dancing song called "The Shimmy Slide" that may be the worst song ever in a movie, and it would not be hyperbolic to say so. Cindy loves it. Gloria (Twila Wolfe), a patron at the bar, feels the urge to get up on stage and strip. [Twila Wolfe was born in Annapolis, Maryland, USA. She was in 3 other films: Champagne and Bullets (1993), Zipperface (1992) and The White Girl (1990).] Lorrie (Jodi Verdu) gets on the phone: "I need to report public nudity." The waitress (Lisa London) gets harassed by some ne'er do wells. Rick, Cindy and Lainie (Elaine Young) are having a good old time until these ne'er do wells stir up trouble. Rick and Huck kick their asses. Huck ends up arrested. Lainie and Rick bail Huck out of jail. Moe (Craig Higgins) the bail bondsman says, "We better get him out before they make him prom queen."

Rick and Cindy's love is reignited. Cindy tells Rick about what she was up to while they were apart. Well, ya see, I um... joined a satanic cult. Yeah, that's right. During their break up she joined a satanic cult. And it's led by Normad! Rick and Cindy have sex by the fire. Huck's ex-wife Alex (Cassandra Leigh) tells him he's going to have to pay rent. But he gets sassy with her. Alex loses her shit. She rips open her blouse: "You remember these? You didn't know how to treat them either!" [The actress delivering this wonderfully dramatic scene is Cassandra Leigh - unfortunately, this is her only acting credit.] Alex tells Normad that her ex-husband has been spreading slander against him. Huck goes to trial and finds that Normad is the judge - who throws the book at him. Cindy and Rick visit Huck in the hospital. Rick wants Huck to be his best man at his wedding. Rick and Cindy fool around in the bath. [You can definitely see that Pamela Jean Bryant is completely naked in the tub; however, it will require some hair-trigger reflexes to catch a good glimpse. Of course, Bryant was Playmate of the Month in April 1978, so there's certainly other "resources" to find her fully nude.]

The wedding day arrives. Rick and Cindy are on their honeymoon. Rick is living the dream. Cindy says, "Now I'm gonna show you what kinda girl you really married." But their peaceful romance is short lived... Soon, Cindy and Rick are on the run from the satanists. Their motorcycle wipes out and Cindy is dead! Rick is ready for revenge. Rick shows up at the satanic church and easily kills Normad. But wait - Cindy isn't dead after all. She was just hiding from the satanists. THE END

3 comments:

  1. i love your site. i was born in 2020, so these films hits nostalgia in me.

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  2. OK, Anonymous's comment here sure is an odd one. Anyway, this film was a great time, and PJB's quite hot. Also, I liked your "fun fact" frames mixed in with telling the story of Geteven.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah anonymous's comment - I hope he's not four years old.
      Regarding the fun facts. I feel like the last round of input was really helpful, and didn't know folks like these tidbits. So I'm going to start including them.

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