A Very Very Sexy Snuff Movie (2012)

 

A horror anthology in three parts, each dealing with snuff films. 

STORY #1 - SERIAL STARLETS

Starlets are being murdered on the French Riviera during the Cannes Film Festival. A goofball detective is sent there to ensure the protection of the bimbos. 

I do like the Creepshow vibe with the comic book intros

We begin our story with a man getting in a pink stretch limo.

Parisian private detective Jean-François 

The owner of an adult entertainment company called Zunini has a job for Jean-François. His models are going to Cannes for a competition.  One of his models was recently murdered; so, the detective is tasked with going to their Riviera villa and guarding the models.  If anything bad should happen, Jean-François is to cover it up - as it would look bad for Zunini.

And so Jean-François goes undercover.  He's instantly taken aback by all the naked models around the villa.

The main four models: Betty (Betty Varga),  Marlene (Marlène Delcambre), Julie and Erika (Erika Julija).

The four top models pose at the Cannes Film Festival

Jean-François blends in with the other photographers as the models pose at the villa and other locations along the Riviera.

Betty (Betty Varga)

Erika (Erika Julija)

Marlene (Marlène Delcambre)

Julie

Jean-François runs into the villa to use the bathroom and stumbles upon a horrific sight.

Laetitia (Laetitia Kubrick) is dead, sitting on the toilet with her neck slashed.  Jean-François chops her up and sprinkles her remains in the garden.  As you'll recall - if anything bad should happen, Jean-François is to cover it up - as it would look bad for Zunini.

Next he stumbles upon Marlene's dead body.

She's been strangled to death.

Jean-François hauls her body off so no one can see.

Betty and Erika are getting there picture taken - oblivious to the double murders just a few yards away.

Julie also is modeling, unaware of the murders.

Erika (Erika Julija) goes inside and brushes her teeth.

Jean-François is again confronted with a horrific sight.

Erika has been impaled with her toothbrush. 

Jean-François drags off Erika's body for discrete disposal.

Julie has a jump scare with a cat.

Okay let's pause.  Have you been noticing the darkened blurred edges and odd "streaks" in the film?  Yeah, that's an annoying filter that is fucking awful.  I've cropped each image to lessen the annoyance.

Julie decides she wants to barbecue 

When Jean-François steps outside he finds Julie dead - with her head sizzling on the grill.

Jean-François drags Julie off.

Note Julie's grill marks.

The last model alive is Betty (Betty Varga) who wonders where her friends are.

Betty goes to the kitchen.

Hands reach out from the fridge and kill Betty.

Jean-François finds Betty dead and covered in produce.

Marlene (Marlène Delcambre) approaches.  She's not dead after all.. and she has a knife!

Marlene battles Jean-François, and he's able to take her out with karate.

Zunini explains it all.  He knew Jean-François was a terrible detective - that's why he hired him.  You see, Zunini is making a snuff film - and all those murders were caught on video. 

 

STORY #2 - A VERY REALISTIC FRENCH HORROR MOVIE

Newly arrived in Paris in the hope of becoming models, three young East European women are kidnapped by a producer of snuff movies and held prisoners on the movie set. 

Jennifer (Jennifer Krueger) wants to be a top model

She and her Eastern European model friends come to Paris with their manager to appear in a movie. (L-R) Zefira (Dorottya Bánki), Petra (Betty Varga) and Jennifer (Jennifer Krueger)

The girls are excited about their upcoming gig.

On their way.

They arrive at this very eccentric studio they call "Moon City" and get weird vibes from the place.

Sangar runs the place - and he certainly seems a bit off.

The girls run into a whole host of odd characters at Moon City.

Marcel Chevallier is the director who speaks with a tracheostomy voice box.

Zafira goes missing and Jennifer asks if anyone's seen her.  Of course no one can help.

Jennifer and Petra decide to get the fuck out of this place.

Petra and Jennifer tell their manager about it, but he doesn't believe them.  He returns with them to get their things back and call the whole movie off.

But it's a trap.  The girls are knocked out, stripped and carted into a chamber of horrors. Petra is brought in topless and thrown on a slab.

Jennifer is drug in next.

Marcel Chevallier thinks he's directing some kind of artistic masterpiece.

This dude (Fabrice Colson) proceeds to bludgeon and maim Petra brutally.

Jennifer wakes up, sees Petra and screams

Petera, barely alive, struggles to sit up.

She falls off the side of the table.

The torturers see that Petra has hit the ground.

They lift Petra back up onto the table.

The torturers take time out for a snack.

They don't notice Jennifer getting up in the background.

Jennifer has had her lips sewn shut; so, she cuts the sutures with a pair of scissors.

Jennifer makes her way to the recording room and sees this is a snuff film studio.

Sangar finds her and she screams.

24 HOURS ALIVE

On the set of an extreme reality show, beautiful candidates are confronted with a dangerous maniac during a perverse game.

So, we're watching a reality show contest on who can survive a serial killer.  The most infuriating thing about this segment is the frame.  The frame that you see above is there for the entire segment!  I will crop it out as best I can, but goddamn this gets old.

Samantha (Samantha Adams) is the host

The three lovely contestants arrive

Jenny (Caroline Eden)

Shanya and Iana. (Both of these actresses give Smithee names.)

There are worse things you could do with your time than watch Caroline Eden.trudge through a forest

They consult a map

Jenny gets frightened when they come upon a human skull.

Samantha interviews the psychotic serial killer Gastave

We are treated to a brief sexy segment featuring each girl. Starting with Shanya whose motto is "before you could say Jack Robinson".  You can clearly see this isn't an american production.

Jenny (Caroline Eden) - Motto "To have other bitch to try"

And finally Iana whose hobbies include pedalo and philately (stamp collecting)

Okay back to the reality contest.  Samantha fills us in on what's going on.

Shanya is serving as bait in order to take out Gustave.

Gustave takes the bait

Gustave gets his hand caught in an animal trap positioned by Shanya's cooch.

Holding up the trap, it looks like Shanya has beaten Gustave.

But Gustave is still very much alive and he strangles Shanya to death.

Gustave rejoices in his kill.

Jenny rushes to Shanya's side.

But it's too late

Samantha instructs Iana and Jenny on their next challenge

They are to sneak up on Gustave while he's passed out drunk and steal his machete.  Iana does this successfully, and now it's Jenny's turn.

But Gustave wakes up and slams Jenny into a tree then to the ground.

She's smashed repeatedly with a rock.  Presumably dead, Gustave rips her clothes off.

Samantha is about to declare Iana the winner.

But it's determined that Jenny is still alive... stumbling around completely naked.

The blows to the head have left her deranged

"Or maybe she is a living-dead!"

The cameraman records Jenny's return, crazed from the brain damage inflicted by Gustave.

Caroline Eden provides a ridiculous amount of full frontal nudity in this scene.

Jenny attacks Gustave

After a vicious battle, Gustave is victorious, killing Jenny.

Iana is declared the winner

But it's not over.  Samantha notices something's not right.

Gustave has come after her - tying her to a tree, topless.

Samantha begs for help from the cameraman, but his job is to record everything no matter what happens.

This should get a low rating, but I can't in good faith do such a thing - because, ultimately, this is what a horror anthology should be.  Each segment is very different from one another, each has a goodly amount of sleaze and gore, and each is interesting in its own way. They wouldn't translate well to a full length movie but work well as a anthology segments. Best of all, there is a certain unmistakable Eastern European flair here that keeps things wonderfully weird. 

  ★★★★★★★☆☆☆7/10