Dec 19, 2024

Witchcraft X: Mistress of the Craft (1998)



This time we're in England where a group of female vampires works with Hyde to summon a demon and rule the world.











































CHARACTERS
RATING: ★★★★★★☆☆☆☆ 6/10

REVIEW: [06/06/21] While the Witchcraft series has always been a non-serious low budget affair, this one steps into truly bad territory. It's ineptness (bad acting, bad dialog, ridiculous story) becomes its charm, and it subsequently becomes entertaining. There are so many quotes from this film that had me laughing out loud. I love that the Witchcraft series doesn't just park itself in "erotic thriller" territory, and while it doesn't take itself too seriously, it is earnest and not overly self-aware like so many schlocky films are today. A solid entry into the Witchcraft Series canon.

SECOND SPIN: [12/19/24] I hereby retire the phrase "so bad it's good". But let me just use it one last precious time for this film. This may be the campiest entry yet in the Witchcraft series, which made it a lot of fun. And they didn't neglect the sleaze, either - with Beaton providing some mighty eye candy, constantly falling out of every outfit she's wearing. Good times indeed.


SYNOPSIS

We start with cool shots of adult entertainment along London streets. Two hot vampires enter a London club: Tansy (Talitha Tallett) and Linnaca (Emily Booth), enter a club. They single out a guy and grub on him in the stairwell. Tansy's dress is pulled down. [Quite an opening scene.] The girls step aside as their leader Raven (Eileen Daly) strolls up the stairs to drink from the victim's neck. Interpol Chief Ben Markovec (Frank Scantori) and Detective Celeste Sheridan (Wendy Cooper) discuss the case and a suspect they have in custody. Hyde (Kerry Knowlton) is from Los Angeles, and is unashamedly a cold-blooded killer. Detective Lucy Lutz (Stephanie Beaton) arrives at the airport to deal with Hyde. The vampire girls arrive at the police station to take away Hyde; they want him for their own purposes. They attack a poor guard. When guns are pointed at them, they mockingly raise their hands in jest. Raven, Tansy and Linnaca bust into the room where Hyde is being held. Agent Harris (Angela Palmerson) is killed. The vampires take Hyde and leave. Celeste inspects a victim. A crime scene technician randomly shows some leg.

Lutz checks in down at the station. Celeste and the chief try and put together clues. Hyde and Raven have sex. Celeste and her doofus boyfriend Harry (Glenn McReady) have sex. After sex, Harry pulls out a ring, but Celeste rejects him, saying it's not a good time to get married. Lutz was scratched by one of the vampires, so takes a bath to clean up. Lutz is staying with Interpol Agent Chris Dixon (Sean Harry). Then it's back to Interpol; Lutz, Dixon and Chief Markovec figure out where Hyde might be hiding. Hyde forcibly recruits a derelict Mikey (Andrew Jones) to assist him in his plan. He's going to translate an ancient text and summon a demon which will bestow him and the witches great power. Celeste has tea with Lutz and Dixon. Celeste leaves and Lutz flashes Dixon her boobs. Celeste is actually some kind of superhero. She's the titular "Mistress of the Craft" who seeks power via her white magic deities. She telepathically tells Dixon where to go to stop Hyde's summoning to be held on Walpurgis night.

Raven and Dahlia (Lynn Michelle) abduct Chief Markovec. Celeste, wearing her superhero uniform, and Lutz, wearing a tied-off shirt (!), are ready to do battle. Dixon is there too, but who cares about him. Armed with stakes and other vampire hunting items, they get to work. Celeste kicks some ass. Celeste summons a celestial cross to ward off the vampires. But they overtake her nonetheless. Lutz is also captured. Hyde arrives, ready to start the summoning. The ancient text is read. Celeste once again summons her mystical powers; all the vampires are defeated... but Hyde remains. Lutz is no help; she's knocked out in the corner. The summoning begins. [Take note that Hyde has weirdly assembled three frumpy guys as his sacrificial victims: Dixon, Chief Markovec, and Harry, Celeste's doofus boyfriend.] Celeste tries to stop the summoning but it seems she's losing the battle. At last, she's able to push Hyde into the portal. Game over. Celeste and Markovec say goodbye to Lutz. Well that was fun. Good times. THE END

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