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The thirteenth installment of the Witchcraft Series features another coven of deadly dames. These girls have a habit of removing both their tops and men's throbbing hearts.
CHARACTERS
- Will Spanner (Tim Wrobel)
- Skylar (Zoe Hunter)
- Leandra (Anjanette Clewis)
- Keely (Roxy Vandiver)
- Dolores Stevens (Jennifer Lafleur) Spanner's client
- Laura (Falin Proffitt) Spanner's assistant
- Ben (Peyton Wetzel) Spanner's friend
- Detective Gentry (Lynn Michaels)
- Detective White (Richard Flood)
RATING: ★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆ 2/10
REVIEW: [06/09/21] Oof. Fucking terrible. I don't think I even need to explain why.
SECOND SPIN: [12/20/24] Well, we've seen the Witchcraft movies move from film to digital - and I don't think it's a coincidence that it coincided with a more boring and bland overall feel. Additionally, the sleaze is at a minimum and the actresses aren't exactly breathtaking. The story is tired, the energy listless, the creativity absent... I could go on. Aside from ignoring the nudity (the hallmark of the Witchcraft movies), they also forgot the fun and campy charm. Yeah, no thanks.
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SYNOPSIS
The film begins with a woman named Skylar (Zoe Hunter) getting it on with a dude, then tearing his heart out from his chest. Will Spanner (Tim Wrobel) is once again an attorney. Laura (Falin Proffitt) is his beautiful assistant who he hardly notices. Laura tries to grab his attention via her cleavage. Unfortunately this turns out to just be a dream, and Laura really doesn't figure into the story anymore. Spanner's friend Ben (Peyton Wetzel) meets Skylar at a bar. They leave together. Later, Spanner finds Ben with his heart removed. Spanner is haunted by nightmares of Ben with a hole in his chest. Spanner keeps seeing this mysterious girl named Keely (Roxy Vandiver). Skylar stands in the middle of a lonely country road. When a man gets out of the car... you guessed it, heart removed.
The two detectives Gentry (Lynn Michaels) and White (Richard Flood) have been put on the heart-removal killings. These characters could not be more boring and cliched. Kylee introduces herself to Spanner at a bar. They go back to his place and have sex. Kylee is some kind of witch and tries to kill Spanner with her Emperor Palpatine lightning. Spanner does his own version of CGI assault. Defeated, Kylee returns to her home base: a cavern underneath a mansion. In this cavern are her two evil cohorts, Skylar and Leandra (Anjanette Clewis). For no discernible reason, Leandra likes to do fire tricks.
Back at Spanner's office we meet Dolores Stevens (Jennifer Lafleur), a new client Dolores wants his help finding her lost brother. She gives Spanner her brother's phone records to help track him down. They have sex. Kylee stands outside the bedroom window naked and looking creepy; only visible during flashes of lightning. Later, Spanner delivers the bad news to Dolores that her goth brother is dead. Yep - heart removed. Spanner finds the ladies' cave and shoots with his Sith fire. Spanner finds the ladies' cave and shoots his Sith fire. The bad CGI lighting strikes Skylar. Kylee and Leandra prepare to do battle. Spanner destroys both Kylee and Leandra. Those too boring cops shoot Skylar in the head before she can strike Spanner. And finally, Spanner kills Dolores. Yes, Dolores turned out to be the leader of this lame-ass coven. THE END
Can you tell which witchcraft movie has the most nudity?
ReplyDeleteAlso for a change do those new b- slashers like jersey shore massacre, lumberjack man, bikini massacre