May 30, 2021

Wedding Swingers (2018)


(AKA Porthole) I'd say we hit rock bottom with this one, but I actually like rock bottom. Rock bottom is VZ1's favorite place in fact.  This... this is something else.  A self-important piece-o-shit, that at least the director had the decency to go by Alan Smithee. Perhaps the least enjoyable film ever reviewed on this site.

Howl of the Devil (1988)


(Original Title: El aullido del diablo) Paul Naschy's kitchen-sink horror film, featuring a ton of his characters from the seventies, zombies, possessed children, giallo style killing, a gothic setting, punk hooligans, etc. plus a huge autobiographical element.  Featuring Caroline Munro and Howard Vernon!

Evil Bong (2006)


The title definitely grabs your attention as a fan of shitty B-movies.  Then add Tommy Chong, and it becomes a necessity to at least check out the first in this ridiculously long Full Moon series.

May 29, 2021

Bare Exposure (1993)


Man, these bikini movies really stick to template.  It begins with money trouble, but the problem is solved with elbow grease and bikinis.  Examples of businesses failing which are saved by the power of bikinis: a floundering airline (Bikini Airways), a failing country club (Golfballs!), a drive-in theater (Bikini Drive-In) a vegetarian restaurant (Bikini Bistro). In this case, they don't fix up a drive-in or carwash, but rather an old building where they hold a wet t-shirt contest. Starring the Annette Funicello of the nineties, Ashlie Rhey.

Chained Fury: Lesbian Slave Desires (2003)


A Czechsploitation flick about a female psychopath who gets involved with a white slavery operation in, of all places, Vermont.

Baby Love (1979)


A bizarre and unserious Italian film about a queen's stepdaughter who is auctioned off to four rich men from around the world.  Tons of nudity and surrealist tomfoolery abounds.

Cosmic Calendar Girls (2016)


A photographer is abducted by aliens to shoot the new calendar for the star system.  Unfortunately, the lead model will turn into a grotesque alien if she doesn't get back on her ship soon.

The High School Student, the Devil and the Holy Water (1979)


The fourth film in the Liceale series.  This one is an anthology and only features Guida in one of the segments.

May 28, 2021

The Highschool Girl Repeating Class (1978)


(Original Title: La liceale nella classe dei ripetenti) The second in the Liceale series, following La Liceale (1975). 

La Liceale (1975)


(AKA The Teasers) Gloria Guida smokes up the screen in this, the first of five La Liceale films from Italy.

Evil Eye, Parsley and Fennel (1983)


An Italian comedy in two episodes - each dealing with the occult.

May 23, 2021

The Sex Education Teacher (1981)


(Original Title: L'onorevole con l'amante sotto il letto) Another Italian sex comedy following the usual formula: Lino Banfi as the eternally frustrated and bumbling comedic lead, Vitali as the imbecile, and [insert name of hot naked actress] as the object of everyone's lust.  It's not Edwige Fenech this time - it's the lovely Janet Agren.

School of Thieves: Part Two (1987)


(Original Title: Scuola di ladri - Parte seconda)  The first film was absolutely abysmal, but this one features Florence Guérin, so it has potential.  Let's see if she can save it.

School of Thieves (1986)


(Original Title: Scuola di ladri) An unfunny Italian comedy about three losers who are trained to be expert thieves in service of a criminal mastermind.

The Week at the Beach (1981)


(Original Title: La settimana al mare) A silly Italian sex comedy featuring Anna Maria Rizzoli and Paola Senatore. 

The Exorcist: Italian Style (1975)


(Original Title: L'esorciccio) An Italian spoof of The Exorcist

The Teacher at the Sea with the Whole Class (1980)


(Original Title: L'insegnante al mare con tutta la classe) Essentially Schoolteacher in the House all over again, but without Fenech or Renzo and it's at a beach... and there's no teacher.

Sex with a Smile (1976)


(Original Title: 40 gradi all'ombra del lenzuolo)  An Italian sex comedy anthology featuring Edwige Fenech and Barbara Bouchet as well as Marty Feldman. 

Latin Male Wanted (1977)


(Original Title: Maschio latino cercasi, AKA L'affare s'ingrossa) An anthology of sex comedy segments.

May 22, 2021

The Classmate (1977)


An Italian sex comedy starring Lilli Carati, and the usual suspects (Vitali, Banfi, D'Angelo).  

Firefighters 2: Heroic Mission (1987)


It seems like every country had their own Police Academy type franchise about a ragtag group of misfits in public service.  I'm a fan of the Z Brigade films from Argentina, for example. This film is the sequel to I pompieri (1985) and we once again follow the buffoonish exploits of Squadron 17. 

The Gestapo's Last Orgy (1977)


(Original Title: L'ultima orgia del III Reich) Easily one of the most ghoulish and twisted Nazisploitation films ever made; yet, it is also the most compelling, with a genuinely interesting story at its heart.

The Red Nights of the Gestapo (1977)


(Original title: Le lunghe notti della Gestapo) A bizarre and twisted Nazisploitation film from Italy.

Sinderella and the Golden Bra (1964)


An early example of the dirty version of the Cinderella story [see Cinderella (1977) and the dreadful musical Cinderella 2000 (1977)]. 

May 16, 2021

Love + fear = Torment (1967)


(Original Title: La peur et l'amour) A sleazy French crime drama about a spoiled rich girl, a diamond heist, a forbidden romance... oh. and snowman erotica.

Dames and Dreams (1974)


At a swingin' party, a palm reader tells female guests about their life lines, money lines and - most importantly - love lines.  It feels like a porno, but it's not.

Red Lips II (1996)


A no-budget vampire flick featuring Debbie Rochon about.... well, not really about anything other than girls being vampires.

The Sinful Nuns of Saint Valentine (1974)


(Original title: Le scomunicate di San Valentino) An Italian nunsploitation film starring the great Jenny Tamburi.

Knife Under the Throat (1986)


(Original title: Le couteau sous la gorge) A French giallo starring sexploitation all-stars Brigitte Lahaie and Florence Guérin.

May 15, 2021

A Complicated Girl (1969)


(Original title: Una ragazza piuttosto complicata) Starring two big stars of the day and based on a popular book, this Italian warped-romance has plenty of sixties aesthetic flourishes and try-hard hedonism, but not much else.

The Crimes of the Black Cat (1972)


(Original Title: Sette scialli di seta gialla) A giallo that checks all the boxes: black gloved killer, fashion models getting naked and offed, a connection to an animal and the color yellow (giallo), and bumbling pointless police detectives.

La Puritana (1989)


(AKA Act of Revenge) A woman seeks answers and ultimately revenge for the death of her brother.

May 9, 2021

The Killer Wore Gloves (1974)


(Original Title: La muerte llama a las 10) A Spanish giallo about a woman who finds herself wrapped up in a criminal situation linked to her boyfriend in Vietnam.  A cast of unlikable weirdos make up the long suspect list.

Carnal Revenge (1974)


(Original Title: Carnalità) Italian sex goddesses Erna Schurer and Femi Benussi star in a film about foul-play and boobs.

May 7, 2021

Killing of the Flesh (1983)


(Original Title - Delitto carnale) A Giallo about a bunch of unlikeable rich Italians stuck in a hotel while a mysterious killers does humanity a favor by killing them off one by one.

Seduction (1973)


(Original Title: La seduzione) I'm no fan of romance films, but the Italians had a knack; delivering plenty of sleaze and over-the-top melodrama with a joyous sincerity.

Calling All Police Cars (1975)


(Original Title: ...a tutte le auto della polizia...) I've never been particularly interested to explore the Italian Polizi genre.  The police aspect of the giallos are always the lamest; laborious scenes of detectives fumbling through red herrings.  Plus, the ones I have seen never came close to a Dirty Harry or even a Starsky & Hutch. But, I suppose I have only grazed the tip of the iceberg and should check out some more, and this one - which is basically a Polizi-Giallo hybrid seemed a good place to start.  

May 2, 2021

My Father's Wife (1976)


An Italian film about an older couple who are struggling to keep the flame alive.  Things are complicated by swinger friends, a horny son, and a feminist.

Smile Before Death (1972)


(Original Title: Il sorriso della iena) A giallo starring greats Rosalba Neri and Jenny Tamburi.  It's your typical murdering-for-inheritance shtick, but with that Italian giallo mojo - cool fashions, groovy music, hyper sexuality, and, of course, wicked violence.

Massacre (1989)


Lucio Fulci produced slasher/giallo which takes place on the set of a horror movie.  Various cast and crew are murdered until the unsatisfying end.

The Legend of Blood Castle (1973)


Spanish gothic horror about the Elizabeth Bathory legend, with plenty of gloomy castles, superstitious villagers and naked maidens as we have come to expect.

Elsa Fräulein SS (1977)


Tangentially a Women In Prison (WIP) film; where German women are forced to become love objects aboard the Nazi Love Train.