Sep 12, 2020

Once Upon a Knight (1961)

A bumbling insurance agent has born with a curse: whenever he sees a naked woman, he sneezes violently.  In pursuit of a painting of his idyllic female, Sir Seemore may just find a way to break his curse.  This film is the great Bob Cresse's only directing credit.

 Sir Seemore (Frank James) is a bachelor doofus.

 He's plagued with a curse: he sneezes hysterically every time he sees a naked woman.  So, each morning he looks at a nude photograph to see if his curse is still in effect.

 And sure enough it is - he sneezes and a whole rack of bottles goes flying off the counter.

 Seemore heads off to work in his awesome Plymouth Fury.

 Seemore is an insurance investigator.  At work, his secretary brings him coffee.

He sneezes when he sees her cleavage.  It pushes her back, and her dress is caught in the desk drawer, yanking it off.

 I love this.  It's so old-school cheesy. 

 Seemore attends an art class.

 Two nude models appear on the stage.

 Seemore sneezes violently.

The sneeze eruptions causes a commotion and Seemore hides.

 One of the nude models, identified as the Sorceress Tanya, takes the painting that Seemore had his eyes on.  Note that the film is narrated as if it was an old fairy tale. 

Tanya's boyfriend is King Bruiser (Eric Nord) .

Tanya takes a shower.

Actress unknown, but pretty impressive for 1961.

Seemore pleads for the painting.  Tanya lies and says it was stolen (when in fact King Bruiser took it out the back door).

Seymore hooks up with Buster the Beatnik, who is basically his squire.

At the beach, Seemore helps a woman cast a line.

 We shoulda seen that coming a mile away.

 Seemore then comes upon a topless painter.

 He sneezes and her palette flies against her chest.

Seemore then wanders into a steamy room, which he realizes is a sauna full of naked women.

 He sneezes, and all the steam is blown out of the room.

 He runs back to the beach, and after a scuffle with King Bruiser, he lands between two topless sunbathers.

When one of the girls turns over, he sneezes...

 ...which blows an ice cream cone in Bruiser's face.

 A disheveled mess, he hooks back up with Buster

At a club where Buster is performing, he meets the girl of his dreams, Lady Lauri (Virginia Gordon).

Buster's performance consists of busting up an old piano. (?)

 Seemore catches sight of a girl reading topless (WTF?) in the crowd.  He sneezes and then gets the hell outta there.

He does manage to grab the painting, and returns it to Tanya, who is currently butt naked.

 Bruiser arrives and hits Seemore over the head with a vase.

Seemore is knocked out, and has a dream where he is king, and is presented with various nude women.

In his dream he sees  Lady Lauri (Virginia Gordon) and realizes the painting looks like her. Best of all, he doesn't sneeze.

 He's cured!

 Lady Lauri (Virginia Gordon) poses nude for him at the beach.

Seemore doesn't sneeze at all. 

I know it was silly and cheesy beyond words, but that's what makes it so charming.  Plus, I didn't expect a film from '61 to have this many boobs. 

Double Feature: Another film featuring a guy who sneezes in sexual situations - Pacific Banana (1980)



  1. I'm not seeing any review dates so not sure how alive this site is... nonetheless I love the content here. Is there anyway to sort by highest rated?

  2. A couple good recommendations: add dates to posts and something in the sidebar to search by ratings. I'll do it. :) Yeah, sorry this site is mainly to satisfy a bucket list to view and record as many exploitation films as possible; not as much consideration to marketing/sharing/spreading the word. Thanks for the feedback!