Sep 6, 2020

Massacre in Dinosaur Valley (1985)

I've loved this movie for a very long time; ever since seeing it on VHS way back when.  It may be my first exposure to uncut sleaze other countries were putting out in the eighties, not suitable for even USA Up All Night or Elvira.  I remember being shocked given the benign family-friendly box art.  So, there's a bit of nostalgic affection for a film which may not truly deserve it. But there it is.

 Prof. Pedro Ibañez (Leonidas Bayer) and his daughter Eva (Suzane Carvalho) arrive at a hotel at the edge of the jungle.

 Also arriving are two models and their photographer.  Everyone's going to the fabled Dinosaur Valley.  The models for a photo shoot, the professor for research.

 The models: Monica (Maria Reis) and Belinda (Susan Hahn)

 Their photo shoot today involves fake cannibals.

 Kevin (Michael Sopkiw) is an Indiana Jones of sorts

 Monica rewards Kevin for sticking up for her at the hotel bar.

 Kevin spies the professor's daughter, Eva (Suzane Carvalho), taking a shower.

Before we go further, let me just say Michael Sopkiw kicks ass.  It's amazing that he quit cinema and started up his own business (in specialized glass of all things) because he plays the hell out of the dashing, rugged stud.  He could've been big I tell you.  Big.

 The passengers board the plane headed for Dinosaur Valley.

 Also aboard is the rich plastic surgery specimen Betty Heinz (Marta Anderson).

 Military guy Captain John Heinz (Milton Rodríguez) is also aboard.

 The plane crashes over Dinosaur Valley.

They make a crash landing.  Monica and the pilot are dead.

 The professor dies as well.

 The survivors traipse through the dense jungle.

They encounter warning signs of cannibals nearby.

 The group argues about which way to go.

 Captain Heinz gets an eyeful as Eva and Belinda rest.

 The photographer is attacked by piranhas; then Captain Heinz puts him out of his misery.

 Betty Heinz dies in quicksand, and Captain Heinz gets it from the jungle natives.

 After a fight with Captain Heinz, Kevin is long gone.  Belinda and Eva are surrounded by the natives.

Eva and Belinda are drugged and stripped totally nude.

Some rather explicit looks at Suzane Carvalho as she's undressed and then costumed for the ceremony.

 The girls are led to the altar.

A pretty badass shaman

The shaman cuts Belinda's boob with a claw hand and puts the blood in a goblet.

 Kevin is a one man army.  With shotgun and grenades he murders the entire tribe before they have a chance to sacrifice Belinda and Eva. I know the movie is called Massacre in Dinosaur Valley; I didn't expect the massacre to be by the hero.

Kevin takes the girls in a canoe and paddles the hell outta Dodge.  Once they're safely away from the natives, they stop for the night.

Tell me Kevin isn't an epic badass.  Both girls are forever in his debt, and soon he'll be making sweet, sweet love to Eva.

But it's out of the frying pan and into the fire as the three are captured by criminal miners. The group's leader China (it's a guy - pronounced Chee-nah) has the trio locked up.

 Belinda is assaulted by Myara (Gloria Cristal)

 When she tries to escape, China shoots her in the back.

I love how this movie is so sexualized that this "dramatic" death scene is more about Belinda's butt than a tragic end to a main character.

 China moves on to Eva - providing one of the best examples of the A-Frame I've ever seen.

Eva kicks him in the balls.

But that doesn't stop China who proceeds to rape her.

What a total fucking bad ass.  Kevin takes out the entire mining operation.

In the end, Kevin wins (would you expect anything else?).  He throws a massive spear through China's stomach, drives away the rest of the criminal miners, grabs the treasure, grabs the girl, and flies off in a helicopter.  Now that is what I call a hero's ending.

This movie fucking rules.  I get it - maybe you like your cannibal films less cheesy a la Cannibal Holocaust.  I get it.  But this doesn't leave you having to take a shower to wash away the existential dread - it's sleazy as hell without being depressing. I'll stack up Michael Sopkiw against any eighties action star; his jaw line alone puts him at the top of the stack.  Then you have Susan Hahn and  Suzane Carvalho providing epic levels of T&A - what more could you ask for?  Buy this from Severin Films right fucking now.

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