Pretty Cool (2006)

A Rolfe Kanefsky jam which spoofs on dozens of classic teen movies - primarily Zapped and Weird Science.

The title credits features unbelievably dated computer animation; just picture a much, much cheaper Jimmy Neutron.

 Howard (Will Burke) is a teenage loser - he does poorly at school and can't get a girl to save his life.

 The movie begins with a dream sequence straight out of Risky Business. The girl of his dreams (literally and figuratively) enters the room.

Here's the Risky Business scene, in case you don't remember.

 It's the beautiful girl next door, Tiffany (Alexis Thorpe).

 But he barely has her clothes off when the doors swing open followed by huge gusts of wind.

In Risky Business, Tom Cruise makes love to a bottomless Rebecca De Mornay, with the night air blowing in.  Here, Howard is literally blown away by the wind.  He'll never be a Tom Cruise - not even in his dreams.

 Howard is awakened by his mean sister Paula (Amy Brassette).

 Paula reminds him (in the meanest tone possible) that it's his graduation, and he's going to be late.

Howard runs frantically to the graduation ceremony, running straight into his dream girl, Tiffany.  Rather than call the police, she laughs and finds him oddly charming.

Howard tells his loser friend, Chuck (Gerard Karsenty) all about his encounter with the dream girl.  Chuck is a Curtis Armstrong character: Miles from Risky Business or Charles from Better Off Dead; take your pick.

Howard learns that he won't actually graduate and will have to go to summer school.  So he breaks into the principal's office to change his grades.  But something happens when he taps into the network...

Miles away, the government is doing top secret experimental projects involving mind reading, mind control and switching minds completely.  Somehow the wires have crossed and Howard has been endowed with this power.

 Mrs. Parker (Cecilia Bergqvist) enters the office and catches Howard red-handed.

She lectures him, and Howard can somehow hear her thoughts - thoughts that she wants him to be severely punished.

But Howard also finds her super hot, and projects his feeling onto her.  Mrs. Parker doesn't understand why she's suddenly overcome with lustful urges.

Wilford the janitor (Robert Donavan) stumbles into the office, and Mrs. Parker pulls him in and jumps his bones.

 Howard crawls to safety, taking one last look as Mrs. Parker goes hysterically orgasmic.

Mrs. Parker lets out one loud, screeching orgasm, then passes out.  

But wait.  Did you notice that the janitor was holding down Mrs. Parker's dress - clearly to preserve some modesty?  In fact, they were trying to keep this film as clean as possible with only a few dashes of nudity.... However, there was actually another version of this film that is much dirtier.  It doesn't really qualify as an "unrated version" as it was changed enough to be considered a separate film.  (A similar example would be Virtual Desire which had a much more explicit, yet distinct release with plot changes called Masseuse 3.)

In this version we see Mrs. Parker's bush (and, as we'll see, a lot of other actresses' naughty parts that we don't see in the "clean" version).  The more explicit version was released as Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle Pie.  Obviously, this is a play on American Pie.  I'll notify you when we're stepping back into the Emmanuelle Pie film - as if you probably couldn't tell yourself.

Howard returns home and is greeted by his sister, Paula.  She smugly tells him she knows that he didn't graduate, and she's already informed mom and dad.

At left is Stacy (Summer Altice), and at right is Bambi (Cindy Campbell)

Howard causes the girls to start farting uncontrollably. 

Then he mind controls Stacy and Bambi into becoming aroused. The two girls go full orgasm as Paula is horrified.  (I'm reminded of a certain scene in What Do You Say To A Naked Lady? - the adult Candid Camera film)

Howard finally realizes he has the power to control minds.  He is on top of the world.  (Check out that poster!)

He mind controls Stacy and Bambi, making them take their tops off.   Is it just me or is this getting a bit rapey? It's all in good fun... right?

Tiffany pops in unexpectedly and finds Howard ogling two topless girls.  This doesn't look good at all, but Howard is able to smooth things over.

Howard has a fantasy where Paula chastises him for objectifying women.

Howard gets a look at the summer school teacher...

Mrs. Perkins (Holly Sampson) is actually an undercover FBI agent dispatched to investigate the secret project's inadvertent "wire crossing" with this high school.  She's to close the gap and return things to normal.

Howard uses his mind powers to cause Mitch the jock (Jake Waldinger) to humiliate himself in front of the class.

When Mitch goes to the chalkboard, Howard causes him to grow a massive boner.  Mitch is too humiliated to turn around and refuses to go back to his seat.  It ends with him falling on his boner.  Ouch!

In the Emmanuelle Pie version, Mrs. Perkins gets naked in her classroom and touches herself.  You'll note she's wearing this heart-shaped headband.  This will be introduced a bit later in Pretty Cool.  Also note that she plays the titular Emmanuelle - as I mentioned, the story line is a bit different.

Also in the Emmanuelle movie, Mitch fantasizes about having sex with Mrs. Parker, which is what causes him to get the big boner.  This teacher-student sex thing probably wouldn't be okay on late-night cable these days.

Howard does Chuck a solid by mind-bending the cheerleaders to where they can't see him.  Chuck has the time of his life watching the girls in the locker room.

It starts to fall apart when he gets his hand slammed into a locker and sat upon. 

Since Howard can read minds, he knows Mrs. Perkins isn't who she says she is.  He steals her purse and finds this odd headband.  The heart-shaped headband allows you to enter someone else's mind.  This will be used to great effect later in the film.

Unfortunately for Chuck, putting on the headband makes Howard's mind control over the cheerleaders deactivate.  Now the cheerleaders can see him.

 The girls scream; providing a bit of full frontal nudity in the process. 

As you might have guessed, the Emmanuelle version contains a lot more nudity.  The girls immediately get naked in the locker room.  At left is actress Brandy Miller, in the back is Darby Daniels.

The invisible Chuck starts molesting a blonde cheerleader (Sandy Wasko), causing her to get hot and bothered.

 Darby Daniels gets aroused herself, and the two predictably start going at it.

 Meanwhile, Brandy Miller is getting uncontrollably aroused herself.

Instead of becoming visible in the shower, Chuck is discovered in the locker room, and the naked girls attack him.

Howard and Chuck discuss his newfound powers but are interrupted by his annoying sister Paula.

 Howard exercises his mind control over her and has her talking with a variety of accents - even a Reba McEntire impression.  Amy Brassette is actually a pretty talented comedic actress.  If you've seen the Cedric the Entertainer show, you may remember her as the token white (a la Jim Carey on In Living Color).

 Chuck wears the heart shaped "mind swapper"

Suddenly he's transported into the brain of Mrs. Parker. 

 Chuck, being the pervert that he is, immediately starts licking his own tits.  I'm reminded of a very similar scene in Sexual Chemistry (1999).

In the Emmanuelle movie, Mrs. Parker's auto-erotic scene is much more explicit, with her pleasuring herself in the bathroom stall.  Note that it's still performed humorously, with the principal making crazy expressions as she's simultaneously aroused and horrified by her own behavior. I'm reminded of an almost identical scene from another Rolfe Kanefsky film, The Body Beautiful.  Check it out - you'll definitely recognize the similar uncontrollable bathroom self-pleasure scene.

 Chuck/Mrs. Parker suddenly appears at his bedroom doorway.  

Chuck/Mrs. Parker desperately tries to snap Chuck out of it to return things to normal, but it's no use.

Now Tiffany shows up at his bedroom, catching them in this compromising position - kinda funny actually.

Seeing that this super power is ruining his chances with Tiffany and is making his life altogether too complicated, Howard seeks out Mrs. Parker (the FBI agent) to makes things right.  Chuck awakens to find Paula at the doorway.

 She puts on the heart shaped mind-transfer device.

The other heart-shaped device of the pair is now being worn by a neighborhood cat... which happens to be in heat.  This causes Paula to "meow" wildly and go buck wild all over Chuck.

In the Emmanuelle movie, Paula's scene is a bit more sexual, with her stripping off her skirt and dry-humping everything in sight.  But you haven't seen anything yet...

 Paula goes to a bar and screws the hell out of a guy in the bathroom.

This is just fucking insane.  This is not only incredibly graphic, but also very strange as Paula is meowing the whole time - and it is really long.  How in the hell did the get Amy Brassette to do this scene?

Emmanuel Pie was released the year after Cedric the Entertainer Presents ended, so you would have thought she might have leveraged that role into something else.... something not involving getting hammered in a bathroom while meowing wildly.  But whatever.  Maybe she had a bad agent.

You go girl.

 Finally, Mrs. Perkins is able to remove the powers from Howard and restore things back to normal.

It ends with, of course, Howard patching up the misunderstandings with Tiffany and they get together.  THE END

I really enjoyed Pretty Cool; it does a good job borrowing from eighties teen comedies without being too referential. It has genuinely funny moments and is bursting with manic energy.  It doesn't come close to being as good as the eighties films it imitates, but it's still a lot of fun.

But watching the more explicit Emmanuelle Pie version has me a bit unhappy with the T&A.  Ignorance is bliss I suppose; but now that I know the characters of Paula and Mrs. Perkins get totally naked, I'm a bit disappointed that neither shed a stitch of clothing in Pretty Cool.  Plus, Amy Brassette's batshit crazy "cat in heat" scene is among the most memorably insane and surprising sex scenes I've ever witnessed. It's simultaneously erotic and horrifyingly embarrassing.  How unfortunate that Amy Brassette doesn't even give a clue in Pretty Cool that she went buck wild in the other version.

The solution would have been to have a Pretty Cool not quite so toned-down. But it is what it is, and Pretty Cool winds up being a moderately fun teen sex comedy that, with a little less censoring, could have been Very Cool.

★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆5/10 - Emmanuelle Pie Version
★★★★★★★☆☆☆7/10 - Emmanuelle Pie Version