Dec 27, 2017

Fraternity Vacation (1985)

Tim Robbins and fellow fraternity bros head to Palm Springs for some action.  Typical eighties sex comedy hi-jinx ensue...

Three fraternity brothers leave the frozen hellscape of Iowa for a good time in Palm Springs.  The trio consists of cool dudes Larry "Mother" Trucker (Tim Robbins) and Joe Gillespie (Cameron Dye) plus tagalong Wendell Tvedt (Stephen Geoffreys), a nerdy wimp invited because his parents own the condo.

The guys quickly learn they are in a horny frat-boy's paradise, with babes in bikinis at every turn.

Well, look who they run into at the pool - none other than B-movie babe hall-o-famers, Barbara Crampton as Chrissie, and Kathleen Kinmont as Marianne.   [For more Crampton see Kidnapped]

Marianne undoes Chrissie's bikini, then Chrissie returns the favor.

My thoughts exactly.  The boys are chomping at the bit.

Before the sex begins, the girls go into the bathroom and Mother and Joe overhear them talking about their herpes infections.

When they come out, the boys decline the offer and show the herpes girls the door.

Ah, but it was all a prank put on by a couple douche bags from a rival fraternity: Leigh McCloskey as Charles 'Chas' Lawlor III and Matt McCoy as J.C. Springer.

The rivals engage in a bet: whoever can lay their pretty neighbor (Sheree J. Wilson as Ashley Taylor) wins a thousand bucks.

Mother, Joe and Wendell go to the Ramada Inn night club.  The eighties vibe is strong here.  The DJ makes a joke referencing "where's the beef?" and the crowd dies laughing.

Mother and Joe try to teach poor Wendyll the ways of the pick-up artists.  Take note of the waitress, Eyvette - it's none other than Britt Ekland!  For more Britt on VZ1 see: Dr. Yes: The Hyannis Affair (1983)

The next quarter of the film consists of Mother, Joe, and Chas engaging in all kinds of trickery to get Ashley in the sack.  To no avail.

Hey, it's Amanda Bearse as Nicole.  Wendell has a brief fling with her, which gets undercut by her dad, the police chief played by John Vernon.

Ashley learns of the frat brothers' shenanigans to get her in bed and chews them all out for being such assholes.

Quite unrealistically, it ends up being Wendell who beds Ashley.  In the end, they all have a big party for their departure back to Iowa.  THE END.

Roger Ebert gave the film one star, his lowest rating, saying:
"Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against dumb sex comedies. All I object to is the fact that "Fraternity Vacation" is playing with half a deck - the male half. The men are the characters and the women are the objects."
Roger Ebert was a dumbass.  This movie plays to women about as much as men. If you are trying to virtue signal against a sex comedy, this is just about the worst movie you could pick.  For example:

  1. There is one - count'em ONE - nude scene (Crampton and Kinmont in the first part of the film).  I mean, this film has the same level of nudity as Kramer vs. Kramer for god's sake.
  2. There is as much beefcake as cheesecake.  Chas frequently struts his stuff shirtless, and there's even an all male sauna scene!
  3. The whole fucking movie is a morality lesson against male chauvinism.  The guys try to compete for a chick and subsequently are exposed as assholes.
I could go on and on.  Ebert couldn't be more wrong... and ultimately, that's what makes this movie suck.  If it had actually been a played like Ebert accused, this might've been a fun, sleazy ride.  Alas, it was not.