The Silencers (1966)

The Silencers is my absolute favorite among the wonderfully cheesy Matt Helm films.  If you're not familiar - these are James Bond clones, but with all the seriousness removed, with total cornball awesomeness in its place.  

It's hard not to make Austin Powers comparisons throughout - in a way, the Matt Helm films were parodies of the Bond films in the exact same way with over the top Dr Evil villains, insane gadgets, and a super stud hero.

And speaking of the hero, I haven't mentioned that our James Bon/Austin Powers role is played by none other than Dean Martin - the undisputed king of cool.  While the Flint films (In Like Flint, Our Man Flint) had a very similar shagadelic vibe, James Colbert doesn't hold a candle to Dino.

The film begins like so many secret agent flicks - with the super-villain plotting to destroy the world.  The plan isn't called "Preparation H" as in Austin Powers, but rather "Operation Fallout".... some nonsense about nuclear missiles.  The details aren't important.  The best part is the villain is supposed to be asian, and looks absolutely ridiculous!

Victor Buono as Chinese supervillan, The Big O... literally eating a bowl of egg-foo-yung.

Naturally, the US government determines that can't stop this apocalyptic plan without the help of their top agent, Matt Helm.  Of course, our titular hero is now out of the biz, and it's going to take a lot of coaxing to get him back in action.  He's busy living a playboy lifestyle that would make Hefner jealous.  His first scene is literally him having a wet dream while he lays in a big rotating circular bed.

As expected, Helm is reluctantly is coaxed back into active duty by Agent Tina (Daliah Lavi) who saves him from being stabbed by a blonde visitor.  Tina will figure back into the story later.

Daliah Lavi, Dean Martin and a dead Kim Novak

Helm and Tina are headed to Phoenix - with Dean Martin music playing on the radio.  Livin the dream.

So, Matt Helm heads to an exotic locale to subvert Dr. Evil's plans; but first he must stop in Phoenix of all places.  Rather than take a room at the local Holiday Inn, Matt Helm, of course gets a room at the Slaygirl Club.  This is truly a day when men were men.

Here he meets Gail Hendricks (Stella Stevens), who is absolutely gorgeous in this film.  Their first encounter is quite memorable: she bends over and plants her butt in his face... while she splashes water all over herself, and Helm as well.  

Dino taking a nice long look

Stella Stevens as Gail Hendricks

They try to paint her as this unbelievably clumsy chick, who's constantly spilling things, falling over herself, etc.  But, for some reason, midway through the film, they more or less give up on the gimmick that she's a cults.  I suppose the shtick would have gotten old after a while.

Next, Helm attends a show at the hotel.  It's at this point that I begin to realize that I was born about thirty years too late.  To live in the Mad Men days, when the US economy was absolutely exploding, men and women had defined roles, and everywhere you went was an ashtray and a stiff drink... life was good.

Anyway, the performer is shot and gives her dying instruction to Gail who has come to her side.  

This implicates Gail in the Dr. Evil conspiracy.  We know she's innocent, but it takes Helm 3/4 through the film before he gets a clue.  And this is where things get interesting...

Tina and Helm grab Gail, thinking she's involved in The Big O's plan

Helm drags Gail to his hotel room and just manhandles the living shit out of her.  This would simply not fly today - at least not from the film's leading man.  He literally rips her clothes off and bitch slaps her across the room.  WTF?

Gail takes her first in a series of beatings by our hero Matt Helm.  Here, she is thrown across the room.

Mr. Helm has literally ripped her clothes off; this would get you arrested today.

Then when Helm's crew arrives, he' continues his physical abuse!  It just keeps coming.

Poor Gail begs for mercy after Helm's chief gets there - to no avail.  The physical abuse continues.

I get that the directors wanted to insert a little much appreciated cheesecake - and we do get to see Stella Stevens in her undergarments.. but was it necessary to have Helm assault her?  It's all in fun, I suppose, but it's a little jarring to modern PC filtered lenses. 

And the abuse doesn't end there.  Helm takes her with him on his mission (if she doesn't go, he threatens to lock her up in a federal penitentiary).  Having no choice, Gail travels shotgun... and this is a beautiful moment in un-PC Mad Men era wonderment - a literal wet bar appears in his car!

This gives new meaning to drinking in driving!  Can you even imagine this today? Regardless, Helm has a motive for breaking out the bourbon - he wants to get Gail hammered so he can probe her....... with questions.

Being completely innocent, she, of course, has absolutely nothing informative to offer.  There's a charming moment when Frank Sinatra comes on the radio, and Helm insults Ol' Blue Eyes, and then changes the channel to a station that's playing "Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime" - a Dino standard,  To which he says "Now there's a guy that can sing".

The couple (i.e. Womanizer and his captive) park for the night.  When Gail emerges from her drunken stupor, she decides to get the hell out of this asshole's vehicle - but the plan goes badly.  A downpour of a gully-washer turns the land into a muddy inhospitable mess and she's forced to go back in the vehicle... where Dino is only too happy to welcome her back.

At their destination, the two are captured by Dr. Evil and held in his underground lair. From here, predictability abounds.  Nameless henchmen are easily killed and the villain's diabolical plans are foiled.  

Amid the chaos, a couple traitors are killed. Helm's fellow ICE agent, Tina (from earlier in the film - we'd almost forgotten about her), turns out to be a double agent... but she's wasted by an explosion.

Tina, who now looks like a super villain and a perpetually confused Gail

Then, Gail is confronted by Gunther, a gentleman she had friend zoned back in Phoenix. She straight up kills his ass.... accidentally, of course.

Oops! Didn't mean to kill ya.  (She accidentally kills a bunch more henchmen as well.  - This woman is a hazard.)

In the end, Helm goes back to his Playboy lifestyle, but now he's joined by Gail.  Of course, she's had a makeover - going from pretty sixties chick, to full-on sex kitten.  Meow!  (Sorry, I couldn't resist inserting a little Austin Powers flair.)

Yes, it's totally inane; it's just a cheesy rehash of a James Bond flick, coasting on Dino's charm all the way.  But there's just so much to love here: it never gets dull and the un-PC shenanigans are reason enough to watch.  Then there's Dino himself, who is at his boozing, womanizing best.  This guy's coolness level is an "11", with a mojo that could carry even the worst film.  

Then there's Stella Stevens (insert wolf whistle).  She's moved past the innocent "Nutty Professor" days and delivers the cheesecake aplenty.  Gals like Joey Heatherton and Ann-Margret couldn't have done it any better.  Her willingness to be disrobed and fall out of her clothing throughout is worthy of commendation.

A criticism might be that this is too much like a cartoon, with tongue firmly planted in cheek from the title sequence to the final credits.  I'll grant that it doesn't stand up to Bond at his best, but for what it is - junk food cinema - it succeeds entirely.  This is a film I will be sure to watch again and a again, and can't recommend enough. Dino, Stella Stevens cleavage, a hilariously awful Dr. Evil, and gobs of inappropriate behavior. What's not to love?

★★★★★★★★★☆