Sexiest Bikini Movies of the 1990s

 

We're using math to calculate the sexiest bikini movies of the 1990s.  We'll take the top scenes from each film and score them from 1 to 5.  The highest score in this event was a 20 and 11-12 seemed to be the norm for nineties bikini movies.

Keep in mind, the score doesn't necessarily represent how good the movie actually is.  It's just based on the quality of the T&A, which is generally why anyone watches these films.  If you disagree with any of these scores, just remember what a ridiculous exercise this really is.  Enjoy.

GOLFBALLS! (1999) = 8

SCORECARD: (1) Naia A. Kelly gets soaked + (2) Amy Lynn Baxter shows her boob for tips + (2) A memorable scene as a golf ball lands on Michelle Cantwell's backside + (3) Baxter puts on a golf cart wash = 8.  Not a bad movie but Amy Lynn Baxter has to do all the heavy lifting herself in this film.


BIKINI GODDESSES (1996) = 9

SCORECARD: (2 + 2) A couple good sex scenes + (3) I quite liked the naked disco scene + (2) the three goddesses show their boobs = 9. Pretty lame with none of the actresses identified 

BIKINI HOTEL (1997) = 9

SCORECARD: (2) Julie Strain strolls around nude + (1) Fantasia is a cop with impossibly large boobs + (1) C.C. Costigan plays strip poker + (2) J.J. North shows her tits +  (3)  Although she is the only actress to not get naked, Tina-Desiree Berg provides most of the film's sizzle - looking smoking hot for a long long scene at the miniature golf course = 9

BIKINI SQUAD (1993) = 9

SCORECARD: (1) Poorly filmed Julie Strain sex scene + (1) Maureen Flaherty is knocked out and falls spread eagle from the lifeguard tower + (3) Flaherty sex scene + (1) Donna Baltron takes her top off briefly + (2) Baltron does a happy kick, which is sure to make you happy + (1) Random sexy girl beach rescue = 9

THE BIKINI CARWASH COMPANY II (1993) = 9

SCORECARD: (1) Rikki Brando celebrates with the other girls topless + (2) Melissa Barrick gets down in a TV commercial + (3) Neriah Davis walks onstage forgetting to put her clothes on + (2) Rikki Brando strips off her clothes = 9

THE GREAT BIKINI OFF-ROAD ADVENTURE (1994) = 10

SCORECARD: Really not much more than Samantha Rugh and Laura Hudspeth taking turns taking their tops off; nothing stands out = 10 

BIKINI SUMMER (1991) = 10

SCORECARD: (1) Kim Lalla takes a poorly lit poorly filmed shower + (1) Shelley Michelle takes a similar shower + (1) random hot bikini girls + (5) Melinda Armstrong comes out of fucking nowhere and delivers a full frontal attack that is long, in slow-motion, takes place in and out of water, outside and inside - truly epic + (2) Rebekah Alfred the district attorney suddenly feels like taking it off = 10

CAN IT BE LOVE (1992) = 11

SCORECARD: (1) Shelly Jones and others compete in a wet t-shirt contest + (2) Jennifer Langdon is covered in Jello then showers off + (3) Lorissa McComas undresses in front of a 2-way mirror + (3) Ren Trella bends over + (1) Lesa Stene is inspected for a birth mark + (1) Ren Trella lookin' right = 11

BIKINI SUMMER III: SOUTH BEACH HEAT (1997) = 11
 

SCORECARD: (2) Jackie Nealon's bikini top pops off due to pressure + (2) Tiffany Turner gets ready + (1) Tanya Goodson has sex + (3) Jackie Nealon is chased around with boobs out + (2) Tanya Goodson gets dressed + (1) Heather Elizabeth Parkhurst looks sexy = 11

MIAMI MODELS (1994) = 11
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SCORECARD: (1) Christine Jackobi and Kelly Rizzo have sex on the same sofa with poor lighting and still in bikini bottoms + (2) Jackobi wears insane swimsuit + (2) Ute Weigel rescued from drowning + (2) Jackobi with harpoon gun battles beach ninja + (3) Kelly Rizzo mock gun death - well lit, surprisingly long and unique and awkward + (1)  Marita Makkonen looking sharp = 11


BIKINI MED SCHOOL (1994) = 11

SCORECARD: (1) Diana Cuevas in bed + (4) Tamara Landry is a stone cold fox and is totally naked - with a particularly explicit shot that seems unintentional + (1) We love Lisa Comshaw but the nudity is weak + (3) Striptease and full frontal from Anastasia Alexander + (2) Monique Parent and Kim Sill - we love them both, but lame nude scene = 11 

BIKINI ACADEMY (1996) = 11

SCORECARD: (4) Tane McClure delivers a memorable scene as she loses her top playing limbo; long, awkward and well lit + (2) McClure in the dressing room + (2) Ashlie Rey gets topless + (2) Raelyn Saalman gets topless + (1) We love the rescue scene trope, but Ashlie Rey is fully clothed and in a standard one-piece = 11

BUFORD'S BEACH BUNNIES (1993) = 12

SCORECARD: (3) Robyn Blythe is a horny doctor + (2) Bettina Brancato takes dictation then provides FFN + (2) Rikki Brando has sex + (3) Caitlin Levitsky gets her blouse ripped off by Tom Hanks' brother + (1) Monique Parent shows her boobs, (1) Susan Ager celebrates out of her top = 12

BIKINI BEACH RACE (1992) = 12

SCORECARD: (3) A surprisingly fun scene with a giant cockroach invading a girl's shower + (3) A really long audition scene with lots of ladies taking it off, with the best being this completely sheer unitard + (2) Kristin Schroll is hit over the head with a whiskey bottle and knocked out and carried + (1) Lisa Gaye gets her dress caught in a door + (1) The guys spy on Gaye getting dressed + (1) Dana Plato wins the race wearing lingerie = 12

BIKINI TRAFFIC SCHOOL (1998) = 12
 

SCORECARD: (1) Shayna Ryan topless onstage + (4) Maureen Flaherty's incredibly memorable striptease along with the other two ladies Shari Eckert and Shayna Ryan + (3) topless tennis + (2) Shayna Ryan has office sex + (2) Flaherty, Ryan and Eckert sunbathe = 12

BIKINI BISTRO (1995) = 12

SCORECARD: (2) Joan Gerardi and her coworkers get changed in the stockroom + (3) Amy Lynn Baxter takes it all off + (3) Isabelle Fortea slaps a guy topless + (3) Brief full frontal from Isabelle Fortea + (1) Julie Lynn Rubin obscured by title credits + (2) Isabelle Fortea has her bikini untied = 12

BIKINI SUMMER II (1992) = 12

 

SCORECARD: (1) Melinda Armstrong showers + (2) Maureen Flaherty wears an amazing bikini + (3) Flaherty wakes up topless; she has a sex scene too but it's filmed in the dark + (4) Avalon Anders office sex + (5)Traci Dali provides cleavage + (6) Avalon Anders office sex again = 12

BIKINI DRIVE-IN (1995) = 14

SCORECARD: (2) Ashlie Rhey and Roxanne Blaze suntan + (3) Rhey sex scene + (2) Michelle Bauer topless + (2) Becky Lebeau with FOR + (2) Tane McClure topless car dance + (3) Nikki Fritz nerd turned hottie = 14

THE BIKINI CARWASH COMPANY (1992) = 16
 

SCORECARD: (2) Missy Warner's wardrobe malfunction + (2)  Rikki Brando has her top ripped off + (2) topless car washing + (3) Kristi Ducati full frontal + (4) Kimberly Bee has her clothes sucked off; I just found this scene wonderful + (3) more car washing but this time with less clothing = 16 

TROPICAL TEASE (1994) = 19

SCORECARD: (3) Michelle Goldsmith gets plowed + (2) Jessica Conkin and Sydney Sweeney wardrobe malfunctions + (2) Michelle Goldsmith wardrobe malfunction + (2) Heather Victoria shows her boobs + (3) Suzanne Ledon gets intimate + (4) Stevie Cameron delivers an incredible striptease + (3) Liz Dennis triggered arousal = 19

BIKINI HOE-DOWN (1997) = 19

SCORECARD: (2) Shayna Ryan has sex + (2) Griffin Drew wards off a chicken thief + (2) the ladies get topless on stage + (5) Maureen Flaherty delivers a holy shit level sex scene+ (5) Rhey, Ryan, Flaherty and Drew all get completely naked in the shower + (3) Rhey has sex in an outdoor tub = 19

BEACH BABES FROM BEYOND (1993) = 20

SCORECARD: (3) Roxanne Blaze takes a shower + (1) Blaze, Nicole Pose and Tamara Landry get dressed + (2) Random anonymous beach hijinx + (4) Tamara Landry van sex scene + (5) Nikki Fritz delivers the mother of all softcore sex scenes + (3) Fritz and friends are topless and in micro bikinis + (2) Fritz and friends have their bikini tops sabotaged = 20

A much deserving winner.  There were several scenes that could even have been added, and Fritz's sex scene deserves a "6" if we were allowed to go that high.