Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens (1979)

 

I love how Roger Ebert would shit all over anything remotely exploitative, conveniently forgetting his collaborations with Russ Meyer.  This is Meyer's last theatrical release.  Enjoy.

The Man From Small Town U.S.A. (Stuart Lancaster) narrates this film from beginning to end.  Honestly, it's a standard Meyer trope and Lancaster is perfect - but man it gets old having your film read to you.

The narrator introduces us to several of the small town's residents including Eufaula Roop (Ann Marie) a DJ at a religious station.

Behind closed doors, Eufaula is a bit different than her radio personality.  We see her earlier in the film playing Pong.

Nazi pianist Martin Bormann (Henry Rowland) likes to get his rocks off while laying in a casket. 

Eufaula comes to service Martin.

The narrator takes us to the main characters - 

Lamar Shedd (Ken Kerr)

He's unhappily paying bills when he hears a noise coming from the bedroom...

Lavonia (Kitten Natividad)

Lavonia has taken a mind to playing with a vibrator

That's the noise Lamar heard.

Lamar gets pissed and smashes Lavonia's vibrator.

Lavonia doesn't give up so easily on getting pleasured.  She enters the room naked.

Take a drink. Meyer fills this film with close ups of Kitten Natividad's bush.  The perfect drinking game.

Lavonia sloppily gulps milk, spilling all over Lamar's work.

Believe it or not, the main plot of this film is that Lamar only likes anal sex - much to the disappointment of Lavonia.

So, Lavonia seeks her pleasure elsewhere - finding a spot by the lake.

She creeps up on a guy named Rhett (Steve Tracy) and basically rapes him.

There's a side story involving Beau Badger (Don Scarborough) and Tyrone (Aram Katcher) scrapyard rednecks, and Junkyard Sal (June Mack) - but it's not particularly interesting.

Back to Lavonia - she has a guest.

 Semper Fidelis (Michael Finn) door to door lingerie salesman

Lavonia gives him a view

Lavonia tries on his outfits

The narrator explains to us that Lavonia has taken the outfits (and a book on Spanish) and has adopted a new identity - Lola Langusta the stripper.

This part is actually hilarious...

Lavonia puts her cooch right above a customer's glass...

The customer gingerly puts a napkin over his glass, and Lavonia calls him a coward in Spanish.

Lamar is here.  Indeed that is Lavonia's plan - to lure in her husband and maybe steer him away from anal sex.  Why doesn't Lamar recognize her?  It's explained that he has a very low IQ.

Lavonia (as Lola) ties Lamar to the bed and puts on some music.

It doesn't work out quite as planned.

Later, Lamar finds Lavonia in bed with Mr. Peterbuilt (Patrick Wright) a "sanitary engineer".

But Lamar is focused on the fact that he was tricked - as he found her wig.

Introducing Dr. Asa Lavender (Robert E. Pearson), dentist and marriage counselor, and Nurse Flovilla Thatch (Sharon Hill).

Lavonia and Lamar seek marital counseling from Dr. Lavender.

Lavender takes Lavonia into the dental room, leaving Lamar alone with Nurse Flovilla Thatch. Sharon Hill was an actual nurse (in a Pittsburg hospital) and is probably best known as a zombie nurse in Dawn of the Dead.

Flovilla and Lamar get acquainted 

Of course he has to have anal sex.

Lavender is busy with Lavonia when he hears the commotion in the front office.

Lavender is gay, and when he sees that Lamar likes anal sex, he tries to get it on with him.  

Flovilla checks on Lavonia.

Lavonia shows Flovilla her bush..

Flovilla gets completely naked and pulls out a massive dildo which they share.

Meanwhile Lavender and Lamar are playing a game of cat and mouse.

Lamar finally grabs Lavonia and escapes - leaving Flovilla alone and fondling herself.

Lamar realizes he needs a faith healing to cure him of his anal addiction - so he goes to Eufaula. 

She baptizes him in a bathtub.

Lamar returns home and finds Lavonia back in bed with Mr. Peterbuilt.

Lamar throws Mr. Peterbuilt off his wife and has sex with her... and it's not anal this time. Lamar is cured! THE END

So much to like here: Kitten Natividad is constantly fully naked, the dentist office scene was off-the-charts amazing, and the story itself was entertaining.  However, I felt it was compromised by the way the story was told.  Call me a nitpicker, but it drove me absolutely mad.  It seems Russ Meyer, at the end of his long storied career in his last film, took his normal predilection for this unconventional narration/exposition and turned it up to eleven.  

  ★★★★★★☆☆☆☆6/10