The Cheerleaders (1973)

The seventies produced some really good cheerleader movies. Pro Ball Cheerleaders (1979) is amazing and Revenge of the Cheerleaders (1976) is one of my favorite movies of all time. Let's see how one of the earliest examples stacks up.

CHARACTERS

• Jeannie (Stephanie Fondue), cheerleader
• Claudia (Denise Dillaway), cheerleader
• Bonnie (Jovita Bush), cheerleader
• Debbie (Brandy Woods), cheerleader
• Suzie (Clair Dia), cheerleader
• Patty (Kimberly Hyde), cheerleader
• Jon (Richard Meatwhistle), quarterback
• Norm (Jonathan Jacobs), Jeannie's boyfriend
• Jeannie's father (Jack Jonas)
• Coach Isabel (Terri Teague)
• Novi (Robert Hirschfeld) the janitor
• Coach Gannon (Patrick Wright)

RATING: ★★★★★★★★★☆ 9/10

REVIEW: This movie was so much fun (okay, minus the rape scene); just nonstop sexy shenanigans from beginning to end. This has to be one of the top drive-in movies of all-time. How is that Paul Glickler didn't go on to be a legendary b-movie director? I mean, this movie was a big hit and spawned a legion of cheerleader movies. Instead, he didn't direct again for seven years, and it was just some dud drama. I'd like to know the backstory here.

DOUBLE FEATURE - Revenge of the Cheerleaders (1976)

SYNOPSIS

Let's meet the six cheerleaders: Jeannie (Stephanie Fondue) and Claudia (Denise Dillaway), Bonnie (Jovita Bush) and Debbie (Brandy Woods), Suzie (Clair Dia) and Patty (Kimberly Hyde). Jeannie flirts with the counterboy (Bill Lehrke) at the local burger joint. But she's so awkward he doesn't give her the time of day. It's the cheerleaders who have all the fun - and Jeannie longs to be one. And the cheerleaders have arrived. The place suddenly gets fun and exciting when they're there. Debbie hits on the star quarterback at Amorosa High, Jon (Richard Meatwhistle). Claudia offers Jon a ride through the car wash. This was a real car wash; not a gag. Claudia gets it on with Jon as they go through the car wash. Poor Jeannie tries to get something started with her boyfriend Norm (Jonathan Jacobs), but he's oblivious. In the locker room Jeannie secretly watches and listens to the cheerleaders, wishing she was one of them. Debbie gets dressed. [I love that they have posters of Donny Osmond on their lockers. Other posters behind Bonnie: Elvis and Michael Jackson.]

Bonnie and Debbie go over Jeannie's house. Bonnie says her first problem is the way she's dressed: "You like like a hag from a rag bag". They literally give her the outfit from one of her stuffed animals to wear. Debbie flirts with Jeannie's father (Jack Jonas). Jeannie confesses that she's a virgin. "I'm not making it with [Norm]. I'm not making it with anyone." Debbie is amazed that there's still such thing as a 16 year old virgin in California. Bonnie offers to help Jeannie get on the cheerleading team. That'll help her get laid. Jeannie tries out for the squad. Claudia is captain of the team and chooses one of the girls to replace a cheerleader who is having a baby. Coach Isabel (Terri Teague) doesn't want this to happen again and recommends she choose someone less promiscuous - preferably a virgin. Novi (Robert Hirschfeld) the creepy janitor is always watching and drooling. Thanks to her chastity, Jeannie is chosen. Now, she has to undergo the initiation: to shower in the boys locker room. Jeannie isn't too worried because the football players aren't going to be through with practice for another hour. Uh-oh. She hears the football team coming. When the players learn that Jeannie is here as part of the initiation, they all try to gang bang her.What the fuck? Jeannie crawls from under the pile and looks up to find...Her boyfriend Norm, who's horrified.

Back to the burger joint. Debbie flirts with the counterboy. Claudia prefers older men. She's hanging out with Coach Gannon (Patrick Wright). Goddamn this movie is so inappropriate. Claudia does homework in the gym. Debbie is undressing again in the locker room. Creepy Novi is watching it all through a peephole. Patty gets fondled by Coach Isabel while she ascends the gym rope. This leads to them taking a ride together on an exercise bike. Poor dejected Jeannie - still a virgin. Norm, unable to see for the grocery bags, run right into her. He knocks her flat. Quite an impressive fall. Jeannie gets flirty with Norm, but he's not interested. He pushes her leg away rudely. "I'm afraid that being a cheerleader is making you lose all sense of duty. Do you have any idea how humiliating that scene in the locker room was for me?"

The plot thickens. Novi the janitor is betting on Amorosa to lose the big game against Central High. Amorosa is highly favored to win - but he's convinced John to throw the game for a cut of the winnings. The cheerleaders continue to strategize ways for Jeannie to finally get laid. The plan: to convince John to have sex with Jeannie. Jeannie is more than happy to oblige. John lays her down and gets to work. He cuts off the light. (Note that Novi is hiding under the couch.) John has her remove her panties and wear a sexy black nightie. They relocate to the waterbed. But the waterbed bursts, causing an eruption not unlike the bloody wave in The Shining. Maybe Kubrick watched The Cheerleaders? But Kubrick didn't have this in his movie: Jeannie comes rolling out with the tide, spread eagle for the camera.

At the miniature golf course the girls plot their next move to get Jeannie laid. Jeannie spots a couple of bikers and wants to get with them. Claudia is grossed out. Claudia agrees to help Jeannie out and they drive to her place. What the fuck? Once the bikers arrive, one of them strips Claudia naked and straight-up rapes her! What the fuck is this, a fun cheerleader movie or I Spit on Your Grave? Jeannie's dad arrives home, clueless that a biker rape is going on in his backyard. Jeannie runs terrified (and topless) through her mother's bridge game. Jeannie's father runs after the biker and falls in their garden pond.

The pep rally before the big game against Central High. The fix is in. Novi and John have money on Amorosa losing. Claudia has a sleepover. The girls clown around and act silly. Jeannie is still sulking because every attempt to get her laid has ended in abysmal failure. The Amorosa High football team arrives at the sleepover. Everyone commences having sex - but poor Jeannie is left alone. Remember how Claudia likes older men? She moves in on Jeannie's dad, Mr. Davis. She literally mounts her dad. Debbie is also doing her share of mounting as well. Bonnie is also having fun. And Patty. Everyone is getting laid except Jeannie. She whispers in Debbie's ear if she can help out. But the football players are too exhausted to screw Jeannie. Claudia returns from fucking Jeannie's dad and is horrified by what she sees. This is terrible. The team is going to be too exhausted to play against Central. So the cheerleaders plan to have sex with every member of the Central High football time in order to wear them out. The girls climb a ladder to one of the player's rooms. He's lifting weights. But when he lifts up, he finds Bonnie in his arms. Another football player innocently watching a movie is targeted. Suzie targets a football player working in a mechanics shop. Football players dining at a pizza joint. Debbie pops through their table.

The day of the big game has arrived - and neither team can even stand up. Neither team can even stand up. The cheerleaders are concerned. Debbie and Bonnie sneak back to the Central High locker room - but Novi isn't going to let them help Amorosa. He's got money on Central to win. He literally chloroforms the girls. Jeannie wonders where all her fellow cheerleaders went. She winds up in Central's locker room and meets their last chance - a backup quarterback. Jeannie finally gets laid. The girls congratulate Jeannie on not only getting deflowered, but for exhausting the opposing team's last hope. Norm is heralded the hero as he accidentally scores a touchdown whilst selling hot dogs. To celebrate all the cheerleaders take Norm through the car wash. THE END