Revenge of the Cheerleaders (1976)

David Hasselhoff (who was also starring in The Young and The Restless at the time) says he took the job to get into Screen Actors Guild and didn't think the film would be released. He was nearly right. It was shot in 1974 and stayed on the shelf for two years. But thank God it eventually saw the light of day - as this became one of my favorite films of all time.

CHARACTERS

• Tishi (Susie Elene), cheerleader
• Gail (Jerii Woods), cheerleader
• Sesame (Patrice Rohmer), cheerleader
• Leslie (Helen Lang), cheerleader
• Heather (Cheryl Smith), cheerleader
• Barb (Sheri Meyers), rich girl
• Joanne Hartlander (Carrie Dietrich), rich girl
• Boner (David Hasselhoff), Sesame's boyfriend
• Nurse Beam (Eddra Gale), school nurse
• Mrs. Watson (Regina Gleason), school secretary
• Dr. Ivory (Carl Ballantine), the principal
• Walter Hartlander (William Bramley), local developer
• Lincoln Vocational teacher (Ivana Moore)
• cop (Patrick Wright)

RATING: ☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆ 10/10

REVIEW: Well, folks, we've got ourselves a tenner. I thought about this - and there's literally nothing at all I would change - it is perfect as is. If you don't have a good time watching this movie, you need to maybe step back and take a look at how life has harmed you.

PATRICE ROHMER

Patrice Rohmer is just constantly naked in this movie. She is so bubbly and uninhibited, you have to love this girl. Rohmer had a prolific few years as an actress and that was it.

SYNOPSIS

Let's first meet the cheerleaders (L-R): Tishi (Susie Elene), Gail (Jerii Woods), Sesame (Patrice Rohmer), Leslie (Helen Lang) and Heather (Cheryl Smith). Aloha High School is the party school, and the cheerleaders lead the partying. Music plays, the entire student body dances - this is perhaps the most joyous film I've ever seen. Gail and Sesame roam the halls; but these girls have no intention of going to class. Barb (Sheri Meyers) and Joanne Hartlander (Carrie Dietrich) - two stuck-up goodie-goodies who don't go along with the cheerleaders' rebellious ways. Joanne's father is head of the school board and a business developer - and will turn out to be the movie's villain.

Leslie reads the headline of the local newspaper. "Morality Crisis Shatters Aloha High School Sex and Drugs Rampant - School Board Fears Merger with Lincoln Vocational" The school is getting quite a reputation. It may have to merge with Lincoln Vocational. Heather reads them the foreboding news of the Lincoln merger - and that inspectors will be visiting the school. Sesame prepares to have sex with her boyfriend in the bathroom stall. Sesame's boyfriend is Boner (David Hasselhoff).... yes, it's the Hoff! Nurse Beam (Eddra Gale) doesn't approve but she's good natured about it. Nurse Beam tells Leslie to get dressed. Leslie and the rest tell Beam to fuck off.

Mrs. Watson (Regina Gleason) the school secretary. Dr. Ivory (Carl Ballantine), the principal, is a total nutcase. Walter Hartlander (William Bramley) is a local developer and the bad guy of this film. He wants Aloha High to merge with Lincoln Vocational so he will be able to shut it down and turn the area into a shopping center. We go to the local hangout - Lilly Downs "Home of the Lilly dog". After taunting some local Lincoln Vocational students, they break out into a dance. Check out the Hoff doing his kicks. Fucking fantastic. Even better that the song is a pretty badass funk tune. Leslie and Gail actually hold up a Lincoln Vocational classroom with a fire extinguisher. They confiscate everyone's drugs - including the teacher (Ivana Moore). Hilariously the teacher pulls her dope out from her stockings. Leslie and Gail have plans for these drugs.

The cheerleaders watch basketball practice. Sesame's boob is just hangin' out randomly. Butt naked, Sesame sneaks over to the men's locker room, followed by the other girls. You'll note that Tishi and Sesame are carrying soap. This comes into play soon. Once in the locker room, they use their soap... and somehow this creates a room full of suds. [A similar thing happened on The Brady Bunch; a little soap can create a roomful of bubbles.] Earlier, Gail and Leslie put the drugs they confiscated from Lincoln into the cafeteria pot. The school lunches are all spiked with an insane variety of drugs. The school board inspectors and Mrs. Watson all get loaded up on drugs. Barb gets high as a kite, horrifying Joanne. The drugs really kick in. A massive food fight erupts. Mrs. Watson and the inspectors are stoned out of their minds. The newspaper reads: "State Inspectors Found Drugged". This isn't good. The Lincoln merger is looking more likely... which ultimately means they'll soon be a parking lot for Hartlander's shopping mall.

Ivory is fired and a new principal, Hall Walker (Norman Thomas Marshall), is put in his place. The cheerleaders introduce themselves to the new principal. Walker informs them that their cheerleader days are numbered. They have to complete their coursework before they'll be allowed to cheer again. The newspaper announces that the big basketball game between Lincoln and Aloha is coming up. For some reason I didn't quite follow, if Aloha wins, they will prevent the merger. Also, there will be new cheerleaders for this game. Of course Harlander's daughter Joanne will now be a cheerleader.

The girls are stuck on a field trip. I love that they use the dinosaur at Cabazon for this scene. Things are not looking good. Sesame and Leslie sneak off and get with a park ranger. Afterwards, Leslie and Sesame are stopped by a cop for public indecency. The cop (Patrick Wright) means business. He frisks them - even though they're naked. Gail, Heather and Tishi arrive to save them. They knock the cop out and drive the police car back to the school. A new set of cheerleaders are in place - and the Aloha basketball team is subsequently losing. Sesame and the cheerleaders confront Joanne and the "new" cheerleaders - and stuff them all in lockers. The original cheerleaders have returned. The Aloha basketball team begins to bounce back. Sesame's top falling down may have helped; whatever the reason - they're starting to win. Boner is knocked out, but Sesame revives him by putting her panties on his nose. I love it!

Hartlander escalates and takes over Aloha himself. Walker has been captive in the Cabazon dinosaur. The cheerleaders rescue him. A car chase and the girls confront Hartlander and discover his nefarious plans.

Beam falls into quicksand - yeah, a lot of craziness in the climactic scenes. Finally, Hartlander is brought to justice and Aloha High is saved. Ivory brings booze to the big celebration. A great time is had by all. Aw. I love that ends with Cheryl Smith and her baby.