Trader Hornee (1970)





A David F. Friedman production; a group travels through the African jungle to find a missing girl. Featuring lots of naked redheads, corny jokes, gorilla costumes, and levels of political incorrectness heretofore thought unreachable.


































































CHARACTERS

RATING: ☆☆☆☆☆☆☆ 7/10

REVIEW: Man, my tastes have changed. When I watched this about 15+ years ago, I hated it - thinking it was cheesy and lame. I guess I've come to appreciate cheese, and love just about all of David F. Friedman's movies. Yes, it has that really dated cornball Laugh-In type of humor, which can actually be fun if you can just let yourself go for a moment. Plus, the count'em three redheads provide mounds of ginger eye-candy. A good time.
 
DOUBLE FEATURE - Tarzana the Wild Woman (1969)




SYNOPSIS

At the office of the Hoosier Secret Service Inc. Private Detective Service we find Jane Sommers (Julie Conners) on the phone with the bank. Initially worried the caller might be looking for money (the agency isn't apparently doing too well), she quickly finds that they are actually giving them an assignment! Hamilton Hornee (Buddy Pantsari) (pronounced "Horn" - the "ee" is silent) arrives just in time to hear the good news - they actually have a case. Hamilton lets the excitement get the better of him and nearly mounts his secretary - but Jane informs him there's no time for funny business; they need to get to the bank NOW. They arrive at Wabash Bank. The banker explains the task before them: The wealthy industrialist, Mr. Matthews, and his wife and young daughter went on a safari in search of the elusive White Gorilla several years ago, never to return. The parents are confirmed dead, but their child, Prentice, was never found. The job: find Prentice and return her home; she stands to inherit the Matthews fortune. Hamilton slyly tells Jane that they can get married if this all works out.

Accompanying them will be Max Matthews (John Alderman) and his wife Doris (Luanne Roberts). If Prentice is not found, they will inherit the Matthews fortune instead. Of course the scrupulous couple will do everything in their power to ensure the child is not found. Thankfully, during all this plotting and scheming we get lots of looks at Luanne Roberts. Also accompanying the search party: a journalist named Tender Lee (Elizabeth Knowles). She gets to go because she's having a fling with Mr. Allen (Neal Henderson) of Wabash Bank Mr. Allen showers her with jewelry. Finally, the famed zoologist Stanley Livingston (Fletcher Davies) will also join them to study the White Gorilla. Surprisingly, the nerdy scientist has two naked girls waiting for him.

They all arrive in Africa. The conniving, money grubbing Matthews couple. Their goal: if Prentice is found, ensure she doesn't make it back to the States alive. We're treated to lots of stock footage of cheetahs and hippos as the group trudges through the jungle landscape. Max and Doris continue to bicker and scheme. Jane and Tender skinny dip. They don't know they're being watched. More plotting and scheming; but this time topless plotting and scheming. Jane gets ready for bed. Jane wants to keep things professional on this trip, but Hamilton Hornee lives up to his name and will have none of it. He offers to share some of his detective work. Jane loses her shirt in the excitement. They discuss The White Goddess. There's rumors of a White Goddess in these jungles, and Hamilton connects the dots: could this be Prentice? They make love. Jane regains her composure and gets upset that Hamilton took advantage of her.

Doris seduces Tender. The search party is captured by cannibals. Here the natives dance a jive in unison and basically act out every antiquated stereotype imaginable. Algona (Deek Sills), the White Goddess, arrives. Hamilton is invited into Algona's hut to make whoopee. He tries to be faithful to Jane, but it's futile. Next, Doris is invited into the hut. The conniving redhead tries to make it with Algona, but she doesn't swing that way and her advances are rebuffed. Next up is Max, her husband, who finds out that Algona (formerly Prentice) has a nice stash of gold. However, it's soon stolen by the White Gorilla......but the thief turns out to be a guy in a gorilla suit. Who is it? An escaped Nazi war criminal. For saving her treasure from the gorilla, Algona let's everyone go - except Hamilton Hornee who stays with her... which is kinda sad, because Jane is one of the few characters I liked, and she leaves alone and sad.

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