Takin' It Off (1985)

 

Takin It All Off (1987), the sequel, was amazing. So, it's high time we check out the original where Kitten Natividad must shed three inches off her boobs or find herself out of work.

Backstage at the Little Playhouse strip club

Betty Bigones (Kitten Natividad) is the star performer.

Anita Little (Angelique Pettyjohn) owns and manages the place.

Kitten Natividad is a goddamn national treasure and totally owns this movie.  But there are other strippers at the Little Playhouse...

Such as Lotta (Lucia Lexington) who does a puppet-ventriloquist strip act.  

First of all, this is the most insane shit I've seen.  Lotta is wearing Mork suspenders, a g-string, and a puppet named Nookie.  Lucia Lexington is actually a talented musician. She is currently touring and releasing albums with The Little Zippers.

Part of the act involves shoving Nookie's face in her crotch.

Bravo.

Betty meets with her agent about getting acting gigs in commercials.

He tells Betty that "big boobs are going the way of the buffalo" and she'll have to reduce her breast size by at least three inches in order to get a job.

He certainly loves those milkers, but she's gotta find a way to trim off three inches.

Back at the Little Playhouse, the Dynamite Dancers (Juliet Laurel and Nancy Smawley) perform.

Betty tells Anita that she's going to try and lose three inches off her boobs.

Anita does not approve, saying: "Right now those bazooms are the only thing between this place and the poorhouse."

Sinthia AKA "Sin" (Ashley St. Jon) does her number.

Lots of crotch close-ups in this film.

Betty goes to see Dr. Buzz Raunchie 

Maybe Buzz can help her with her breast reduction.

He recommends she see a psychiatrist who can get her in the right mental state.

Betty promises she'll Buzz off if he can get her to lose three inches.

So, Betty goes to see Dr. Lucifer, the psychiatrist

When he plays the radio which is playing "Takin' It Off", Betty can't help but strip.

The main connection between this film and the sequel Takin It All Off (1987) is this song which somehow causes any woman hearing it to do just as the lyrics say, and take it off. 

Kitten Natividad is just fucking incredible in this scene. In fact, when the day comes on VZ1 when I compose the top ten sexiest scenes of all time, you can expect this to be on there.

Holy. Fucking. Shit. 

The crazy thing is, I remember this VHS box being in pretty much any well-stocked video rental store (in the pre-Blockbuster days). I think customers might've been in for a bit of a surprise when this scene lands - a lot more explicit than you'd have expected.

The song ends and Betty doesn't know what just happened.  It was like she was hypnotized by the song.

As fun as it was, Dr. Lucifer is unable to get her to shed the pounds.  So, Buzz sends her to the next attempt...

He recommends she get on a vegetarian diet.  She meets Jim Bob at his produce stand.

They're soon rolling around on a bed covered in vegetables.

Back at the Little Playhouse, Susie Saddleback (Susie Stewart?) performs to a country tune.

The audience is always shown as creepy and overexcited 

Susie delivers the full monty.

Anita gets a call that Betty has a visitor...

It's Buzz. Betty explains that the veggie diet didn't help.  So, he recommends another plan...

The Popcorn Diet.  She sleeps with The Colonel in a bed of popcorn.

Betty later says she had a Colonel between her legs. Get it - colonel/kernel?  This film is full of bad puns and dad jokes.  I love it.

Sin takes Betty to the library to research breast reduction techniques. 

The song "Takin' It Off" suddenly plays on the radio.  The library suddenly turns into a discoteque and all the ladies start stripping. In Takin It All Off (1987), the song only affected Candie Evans because of a hypnosis incident.  In this film, the song evidently has some sort of subliminal messaging as it impacts all women who hear it.

Sin can't control herself.

This random library patron.

Suddenly the song ends, and all the ladies are embarrassed. 

Betty and Sin grab their clothes and get out.

They take a bow before they leave.

The librarian (? actress) was also affected, and stands there nude, telling everyone to get back to normal.

Betty and Sin meet Lotta and Anita for lunch.

Anita says announces that she's engaged to Dr. Lucifer, Betty's shrink.

Betty gives Buzz an ultimatum.  His next plan better work or else she's cutting him off.

Betty's next performance is in a see-through bathtub. 

Once again, Kitten Natividad just completely nails it.

Perhaps the best thing about Kitten Natividad (aside from the obvious) is that it always seems like she's having a great time.

Backstage, Betty receives big news from Anita...

Anita tells Betty she's marrying Dr. Lucifer and closing the Little Playhouse.  This is bad news for Betty who can't work because she still hasn't lost the three inches.  Not to worry.  Anita will pay for her to go to the famous Fosdick Fat Farm.

Betty is put through the works at the fat farm.  Fosdick pushes her to the limit.

They measure Betty and she still hasn't lost a single inch.

Betty and the other ladies enjoy a sauna.  But then the radio is turned on...

"Takin' It Off" plays and all the women drop their towels and dance naked.

Words fail me. 

Time for another measurement....

Hooray!  Betty has lost the three inches!

It ends with all the women running naked in slow-motion to the Chariots of Fire theme.

Again, words fail me.

Betty has finally done it.  

Betty gets an acting job on a children's show (where she absent-mindedly is stroking the giraffe).

Lotta gets a job here as well - putting good use to Nookie.

Then "Takin' It Off" plays and Betty strips. THE END

This is how T&A films should be done; every bit as good, if not better than the sequel. Nonstop nudity and a joyful exuberance that is downright contagious.  The jokes while cheesy are so silly that it's hard to suppress at least a chuckle here and there. While the filmmaking isn't exactly artful or stylish, it is executed skillfully with good lighting, fun angles and creative shots.... it's just about a perfect film for this genre.  There are just a few minor strikes against it.  First, it seems a crime to have Angelique Pettyjohn in your film and not at least see those famous knockers on display. Additionally, it does get a tad repetitive with one breast-reduction attempt after another. But these are trivial critiques - in the world of light and bouncy sex comedies, this is tops.

 

 ★★★★★★★★☆☆8/10