Dec 30, 2021

Fairy Tales (1978)


Yet another naughty take on fairy tales, notable for being Linnea Quigley's first film. 

It's the Prince's (Don Sparks) twenty-first birthday; he's awaken by his servants Dr. Ears (Robert Harris) and Dr. Mustachio (Simmy Bow).

For his present, they give him a naked woman (Idy Tripodi).

 Note that the great Irwin Corey plays the third servant, Dr. Eyes.

The naked woman dutifully climbs into bed with the prince.

But it's not use.  He can't get erect.  All he can think about is a "Dream Princess".

The naked woman throws in the towel.  This isn't good: if the prince doesn't prove his manhood in the next few days, he'll lose his kingdom. 

The servants suggest the prince enter the land of the fairies to search for the Dream Princess.

Along the way, the prince runs into Little Bo Peep (Angela Aames) who does a song and dance number.

Naturally, she'll have to take off all her clothes.

But she too is unsuccessful at getting a rise out of the prince.  She suggests he seek out his dream girl in the big shoe...

Madame Gussie Gander (Brenda Fogarty) lives in the shoe with Tommy Tucker (Robert Staats) as the doorman.

Gussie is actually the madame of a brothel which operates out of this shoe.

Sirus (Sy Richardson) is the pimp.

Gussie takes Sirus to the various levels of the shoe.  The elevator operator (Mariwin Roberts) is butt naked.

The first room she shows Sirus is Snow White (Anne Gaybis) and the seven dwarfs. 

Snow White does a song and dance.

As she sings, the dwarfs remove her clothing.

I have to wonder how Anne Gaybis felt about singing and dancing around a room completely nude while being pawed by seven dwarfs. 

Who's the fairest of them all? The sassy mirror (Sherri Bragg) let's her know she ain't it.

Gussie and Sirus have a good laugh before going to the next level of the shoe.

Gussie explains that the top level has a "sleeping beauty" who can only be awaken by the right person. This will come into play later.

Jack (Jeff Doucette) and Jill (Lindsay Freeman). Jill wants to fool around but Jack is gay.

The prince stumbles upon them as they fall down a hill.

Jill wants a piece of the prince, but he's on a quest to find the Dream Princess.

Jack also wants the prince (which is supposed to be a hilarious punchline).

Gussie gives King Cole (Bob Leslie) the gift of Sheherazade (Nai Bonet)

Bo Peep gets a job working for Madame Gussie.

There's an S&M song and dance number followed by an orgy.

Gussie is holding a big party at the shoe.

Little Red Riding Hood (Melinda Utal) is here.

For a moment it looks like the party is going to get broken up by the Baron (Frank Ray Perilli) and Otto (Angelo Rossitto), but King Cole convinces them to let the party carry on.

Sirus tries to help the prince by concocting a love potion.  Out of the cauldron comes Aunt La Voh (Martha Reeves) who sings a disco song. Supposedly, Reeves was unaware that she was appearing in an adult film until she took members of her church to see it.

Unfortunately, the love potion doesn't work on the prince.  It would appear he will lose his kingdom unless he can find his Dream Princess quick.

God just look at this picture.  This movie is insane.

The Frog Prince (Lee Arries) is supposed to kiss the sleeping beauty... but not if the prince gets to her first.

On the top floor of the shoe, the prince kisses the person sleeping under the sheets.

It's his Dream Princess  (Linnea Quigley)!

The prince has finally found the one person who can get him horny.

He carries her to the bedroom. 

He lays her down; they have sex, and his kingdom is saved.

They bid farewell to the prince and his princess, and all live happily ever after.

Sure, it's cheesy as hell, but what do you expect from an erotic fairy tale musical?  The mere fact that this film exists is a good thing, even though the film itself really isn't (if you get my meaning).  What the world needs now is less soy-bantering CGI superheroes and more erotic fairy tale musicals.


1 comment:

  1. Yeah, Fairy Tales is better than just about anything coming out of Hollywood right now. You should review its companion piece Auditions.