Sep 28, 2021

Lullaby of Bareland (1964)

 


A nudie cutie in two acts.  A husband and wife go off on their own adventures one Saturday.  Each thinks the other is doing something boring like playing bridge.  In actuality, the husband goes to a strip club and the wife goes to a nudist camp.



A lazy weekend.  The husband (Charles Aldrich) reads the paper.

His sexy wife (Dolores Carlos) comes down the stares.

Charles barely raises an eyebrow as she adjusts her stockings.

Dolores is disgusted at how little attention Charles pays to her.

Little does she know, he just can't wait until she leaves.

Dolores claims she's going to play bridge with the girls.

She quickly hides her playing cards (for no reason really) and heads on her own adventure.

Charles hurries down to the burlesque club.

Livin' the dream.

Anita Adams is the first act.


Charles narrates as we can his thoughts, which amount to declarations such as, "This girl has the kind of shape that makes the 5:00 whistle blow at 4:30!”


Charles sticks around for the second performance

It's an odd skit set in a classroom.


Anita Adams is back as the student in the blue sweater.

Joy Hodges is the blonde student.

Let the terrible jokes fly: “My old man died from long division! He tried to put 65 into 15! The old lady caught him and cut off his decimal point!”


A beautiful blonde sits next to Charles.

She shows him some leg.

Charles follows the blonde to the concession stand.


Nothing phallic about this.  No sir.

Charles and the blonde enjoy the final act.



Charles follows the blond backstage where he finds her painting a redhead model.




Then it's one model after another.  The redhead is followed by a brunette.






Anita Adams is back.




And finally, Virginia Bell again.


The blonde reveals her painting is the Mona Lisa.


And so ends Charles' adventure.

Dolores' adventure is given a title.

Dolores Carlos arrives at a nudist camp

Dolores talks with Maria Stinger who was a popular burlesque dancer in her day, She actually looked amazing in the 1950s; not so much by the time the mid-sixties roll around.

Ann Howe proudly displays her milkers

This poor girl probably got an inferiority complex.



The ladies wear Beatle wigs (hence Beatlettes) and ride the see-saw. Dolores is in the black bottoms.


Dolores is having the time of her life.  Fuck Charles.

One lady hangs upside down and gives us a view that got dangerously close to being illegal in '64.

Volleyball: conveniently, the team facing the camera have bikini bottoms on.

Although you can still catch glimpses of bush where the editing wasn't quite able to rid every frame of pubic hair.


Into the cabana to play some pool.


Dolores returns home.

It looks to her that Charles never left.

Fuck this asshole.  Dolores decides she's going to get a rise out of her husband if it kills her.

She does a striptease.

He doesn't even look up.


Charles finally lowers the paper, but then goes back to reading about the horse races.


As with a lot of cheap skin flicks back then, it's really hurt by not having any real dialog (proper sound equipment is expensive!) and so we're left with narration throughout... and the bad puns and wink-wink-nudge-nudge entendres get real old after a while.  Still, a  ton o' fun. 

★★★★★☆6/10

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