Sep 17, 2021

Calmos (1976)


A French film that gets progressively more and more insane as it goes along.  Starting with a gynecologist who wants to take a break from women - and ending with him literally going inside a woman's vagina.  It's hard to explain...

The film begins in the waiting room of gynecologist.  The wealthy patient in the middle is played by Claudine Beccarie.

Paul Dufour (Jean-Pierre Marielle) the gynecologist seems wholly uninterested.

Despite the fact that her legs are spread in front of him, he continues to eat.

Claudine Beccarie provides a thoroughly anatomical view.

Paul decides he's done with this.  He gets up and walks out, leaving her in stirrups.

Paul runs into kindred spirit Albert (Jean Rochefort) whose just left his wife.

They decide to get away from women altogether.

Paul and Albert take up residence in a rustic country home.

They're joined by a priest (Bernard Blier) to live a simple monastic life.

Their sexless reverie is interrupted by an incident in the rain.

A young couple is making out.

The priest chews out the boy and Claudine (Valérie Mairesse).

Paul and Albert's idyllic country escape comes to an abrupt end when their wives show up, surprising them in bed.

The priest has a talk with the spouses.

Geneviève (Micheline Kahn) and Suzanne (Brigitte Fossey)

Suzanne intimidates the priest with her boob out.

Albert and Paul are brought back home.

Suzanne tries to get a rise out of her husband.

But it seems hopeless.

Paul crawls under the bed to escape.

Albert gets on the metro, headed back to the country.

He finds the train full of women.

A woman (Sylvie Matton) shows him her bush...

Albert runs the hell outta there.

He and Paul are joined by legions of other men anxious to escape the opposite sex.

Their numbers grow and grow as they approach their country paradise.

But an army of Amazons put the kibosh on their fantasy.

The Amazon Chief (Dora Doll) captures the two men.

They're brought to a laboratory staffed entirely by women.

Albert and Paul just lay there with throbbing erections caused by an operation.

The head doctor (Sylvie Joly) has plans for these men.

Nude women are lined up to copulate with the gargantuan bonered men for two-minutes apiece. 

Each takes their turn with poor Albert and Paul.

A variety of naked women are led into the room for their turn.

All the ladies must douche beforehand.

One candidate (Rita Maiden) knows Paul and takes issue with this whole affair.

Another candidate (Dominique Lavanant) is almost completely blind and has to be led to Paul's dick.

Once she gets on, her world is rocked.

Another candidate (Stéphanie Loïk) is resistant to hop on once she sees the size of their units.

Stéphanie Loïk provides some explicit views as she's forced onto Albert.

And so it goes, for years.

Now Paul and Albert are old men.

They escape on gliders.

And quite literally land in a woman's vagina. THE END

Well, I warned you that it got progressively more and more weird. There's certainly a lot to unpack - but we'll leave the interpretations to the cinema studies majors.  Suffice it to say, the sexual revolution definitely yielded interesting responses in movies of the seventies. Well made, clearly a unique work, and chock full of naked women. 


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