Your Tour Guide Through Cinema Trash (and Treasures)

Jun 1, 2021

Deadly Punkettes (2014)


Sort-of a Josie & the Pussycats with a ghost story tacked on at the end.  From Jared Masters who gave us the refreshingly revolting Slink (2013).

This first scene makes no sense whatsoever, and relates to nothing. Weirdly, it features Andy Dick in bed with a guy and a girl.  An odd senseless intro.

Meet the four students who will form the band (L-R): Aspen (D'Lannie Brown), Rainy (Skylar Ripp), Zeb (Danielle Stavin) and Carby Kelp (Lauren Taler)   

They pass by Carby's white trash stepmother Dottie Kelp (Penny Pollak) who has the best line in the movie: "Ain't somebody gonna compliment my lawn? I just mowed it." I don't know why, I just love that line.

Carby finds her late father's guitar, and we're to believe she's instantly able to play it.  Nothing supernatural, it just comes natural to her since her father was a musician.

Carby calls her friend Aspen to say that she wants to form a band.

Aspen gets the phone in the shower.  Sadly, no nudity here, however...

Lauren Taler provides a gratuitous butt shot.  

The girls get a gig at a local bar.  Their song "Punk Rock Girl" is just ear cancer.  Some of the worst music ever composed is featured in this film.  Godawful.

Gil Mopking (Dave Knapp)  seems to dig it and offers to be their manager

Rainy, Aspen and Carby sunbathe, discussing the band name.  They end up settling on "Adore Us".  It's an awful name, but their music is awful, so I guess it works.

D'Lannie Brown provides a gratuitous butt shot.  Unnecessary, but welcome.

Helen (Kelly De Vries) works with the band in the studio to record their first album. Sicily Mane (Jillean Tucker), a bigshot record producer, takes notice.

Zeb plays the drums.  I'm not sure how much actual music is being played by these actresses; seems like precious little.  But they look good faking it.

Gil plays a Rueben Kincaid character; getting stressed out all the time, but also really digging the bad music.

We are treated to a couple poorly conceived music videos. WTF? This film was made in 2014... these videos wouldn't have worked in 1984. 

Aspen gets a ride home from Edith (Lourdes Narro), a creepy girl who they make fun of, and is overly obsessed with Aspen.

Another random butt shot from Carby; I guess just making sure we're still paying attention.

Carby's mother, Dottie, delivers the bad news: Aspen was found dead. 

That night, Carby has a weird dream where she's half-asleep dancing with Zeb who's dressed strangely. Was it really a dream?

Sicily introduces the band to Jezabelle Winters (Layla Zova) who will be Aspen's replacement.

Zeb and Carby run into a homeless junkie (Tammy Vo) in an alley who gives cryptic words about Aspen's death.  Creepy Edith is also luring around.

The band is playing a big venue - but with Jezabelle as the frontwoman.

Getting dressed in the schoolgirl uniforms for the big show, Carby and Jezabelle give each other the stink eye.

Aspen's ghost appears backstage.

The ghost throws a pair of scissors at Rainy's eye.  Why'd she go and do that? 

We find that Sicily and Jexabelle are lovers  Clearly, Jezabelle is using the record producer to get ahead.

Jezabelle takes a bath, and Sicily steps out for a moment.

A mysterious woman enters and drops a boom box into the tub.

Jezabelle is electrocuted to death.

As she spasms in the tub, we get the only real nudity in the film as her boobs are on full display.  Thank you Layla Zova.

So, this is the killer - Rainy? We're to understand that Aspen has possessed her, I guess.  

Zeb confesses to Carby that she was involved in Aspen's death, and now she wants to commit suicide from the guilt.

She explains that she and Aspen did drugs, and Aspen OD'd.  (But that doesn't add up, because Aspen was driven home by Edith that night.  Can somebody explain this to me?)

So, with Rainy possessed, Aspen dead, and Zeb implicated in her death... Carby starts a new band.  ThE END

Yes, obviously this was terrible.  But it wasn't as bad as you might imagine: it's so quirky and badly done that it held my interest from start to finish.  And that's worth something. Where this really fails is that it doesn't know what it is. For the first hour (no exaggeration), it's your typical girl-band rise to stardom story... then it decides it's about a deceased band member who haunts them.  Like, it just decides that's the route it's going to take in the last thirty minutes!  Obviously, this could have used a whole helluva lot more sleaze - and given Jared Masters was the man behind Slink (2013), I'm surprised this is so tame.  Yet, it does make me want to see more of his work.  Say what you will, both films we've looked at have not been your forgettable garden variety straight-to-streaming junk.  Stay tuned, and we'll see what other odd works this guy has put out there.


1 comment:

  1. Have you seen the Tubi version? Nice boobs from the blonde at 53:10