Your Tour Guide Through Cinema Trash (and Treasures)

Jun 3, 2021

Blood of the Tribades (2016)

 


This film tries very very hard to be a Jean Rollin film.  It doesn't come close to succeeding, but I commend the effort.  It's the story of a plague ridden world set in 2000 A.B. (note that is not a typo) where the afflicted men scourge the land of vampire women to please the Lord Bathor (a name they must say ten thousand times in this film).



The film starts off on the right foot with a woman taking a bath. Fittingly, the woman in the bath's name is Bathsheba (Sophia Cacciola).

A guy is perched outside her window with a crossbow.

Note that Sophia Cacciola is the co-writer/director of this film.

Bathsheeba is shot, and as she screams we see she's a vampire.

The killer is a member of the Tribades, led by Grando (Seth Chatfield).  They worship Lord Bathor and blame the plague (which causes their skin lesions) on the women. In the name of Bathor they kill the women and drink their blood. I mentioned that they say "Lord Bathor" a lot... I mean a lot.  Like if you made that your drinking game, you'd be dead drunk in the first five minutes.

His followers dress in suits like their going to a 1996 homecoming dance. 

All the women, the Daughters of Bathor, have holed themselves up in a castle.  For years they have hidden from the men out to kill them.

The women are led by the three Nephites.  They are the ones who insist on hiding, rather than confront the men directly.

Carmilla (Aurora Grabill) and Mircalla (Melinda Green) wander too far from the castle to skinny dip.

The girls are hunted and killed by a couple Tribades.

We meet Giltine (Sindy Katrotic) and Naga (Simone de Boudoir) - a couple of outcasts who don't submit to living in the castle like prisoners. Giltine is like a vampire ninja, and Naga is the wise one.

The men attack the castle and kill most of the women.

After the slaughter, they return to Grando who shouts at one of them, "How dare you speak the name of Bathor? You must show that you are worthy. Remove your shoes!"  I love it.

Two lesbians escape the castle - Élisabeth (Chloé Cunha) the blonde in pink, and Fantine (Mary Widow) the brunette in blue.

The lesbians and another escapee Wendigo (Stabatha La Thrills) wind up at the hideout of Giltine and Naga.

Élisabeth and Fantine are meek, whereas Wendigo is a total bitch. 

Élisabeth gets a hold of an ancient text which explains things.

Elsewhere, twins Darvulia (Savana Petruzello) and Erzsi (Serena Petruzello) take care of the actual son of Bathor.

Jacob (Dale Stones), the son of Bathor, is brought before Grandor.  He speaks common sense: Hey maybe we shouldn't be drinking the blood of these women if there's a plague.  Just a thought.  But he's condemned as a heretic and tortured on the cross beams.  Unfortunately we have to see this guy's dick - one of many peens on display in this movie. 

Wendigo chloroforms' Fantine and brings her to Grandor. 

Giltine uses her ninja moves to save Fantine but she and Naga are killed in the skirmish.


Fantine and Élisabeth run away together.

Fantine is disrobed.



The girls perform some kind of blood covenant 


Grandor and his homies discover them.

They find that Fantine is already dead.

Élisabeth gives a long speech on how they can't kill their memory and whatnot before dying herself.

A completely unnecessary and awful epilogue where Lord Bathory (Tymisha 'Tush' Harris) finally returns.  She's a black woman and flanked by Élisabeth and Fantine (huh?) and she yells at Grandor for fucking things up while she was gone. THE END



Given that there's a whole documentary about the making of this film, you get the idea that Sophia Cacciola really thought she was making something special here.  And the Wikipedia page currently gushes praise like a publicity package.  I will say, it is very ambitious for a zero budget fantasy movie; you've got to give them credit for going all-in.  The Jean Rollin copy-paste is everywhere in this film: the girl twins, the ladies in bright pastel gowns, the landscapes, the fantastical setting, Élisabeth even speaks French.  There's nothing wrong with borrowing heavily from other directors (just ask Brian DePalma), but you should also bring your own vision to the table; otherwise you're just a bad cover band. 

★★★☆☆4/10

1 comment:

  1. What I find interesting is that "tribade" was the Greek word for what we call lesbians. It's literal meaning is friction.

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