Too Good to Be True (1997)

 

A throwaway erotic thriller that never even got a VHS or DVD release.  One of those films that appeared on Cinemax one night, never to be heard from again.  Until now.  From a director mainly known for his music videos for New Edition and writing the shitty new Pink Panther films.

Hallie (Lisa Welti) keeps having wet dreams about the same guy.

She tells her best friend Cat (Trish Ramish) about it.  Darcy (Kira Reed) joins them in the sauna.

  

Hallie knows why she's having these dreams.  It's because she hasn't had sex since... the accident. 

Cat tells Hallie that she can't beat herself up about it.  It wasn't her fault. 

Hallie meets a guy, Jack (Peter J. Lucas).

She admits to Jack that she's been having dreams about him.

They have sex.

Hallie flashes back to that fateful night.  She and her husband were police officers.  Her husband was hanging off a fire escape when she shot the guy holding his hand, and he falls.  What a dumbass move.

Now, her husband is permanently fucked, but here she is eating grapes and shagging her dream lover.

He joins her in her favorite hangout - the sauna.

He dutifully places his face in her crotch.

More "Sex and the City" banter with Cat.  This movie was a year before that show, so maybe it inspired it?  I mean, the dialog and attitude between these friends is pretty identical.  You heard it here first: the guy that is mainly known for New Edition videos and flubbing the Pink Panther movies is the true origin of Sex and the City.

And more Sex and the City banter.

Cat = Kim Cattrall

Spencer (Richard McGonagle) is at the force where Hallie works.  I feel like I've seen McGonagle a million times on TV but can't name a single show.

Hallie and Darcy find that they've both been dating Jack, the two-timing bastard.

You know who else is dating Jack?  That's right - our girl Cat.

Well, "dating" may be too polite a term.  How about "fucking"?

Jack breaks out a rope and Cat thinks he's being kinky.

He kills Darcy.

Jack holds Cat hostage.

Redemption for Hailee.  She shoots Jack off the fire escape - which I guess zeroes out her doing the same thing to her husband.

Cat and Hailee are back to their Sex and the City banter.  Good times.  Yeah, Darcy was murdered and all, but let's not get hung up on that negativity. "He's just not that into you... abso-fucking-lutely... blah, blah, blah..."  Kill me know.

---

It's one and only redeeming quality is that Trish Ramish provides some stellar nude scenes.  I'm only half joking when I say the Sex and the City was inspired by this.  Maybe it was, or maybe that was just the "stuck up your own asshole materialism" zeitgeist of 1997-1998.  Whatever the case, it's a stain upon the history of humankind's cultural output, saved only by the grace of Ramish's full frontals.

★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆2/10