Mar 26, 2021

Burlesque Massacre (2011)

 


A group of strippers are invited to stay at the home of a stripper's creepy brother. As you might have predicted, they get killed.


The film starts off on the right foot with a girl  (Ashley Lindsay) taking a bath.



A slasher in a mask appears above her and kills her in the tub.

This slasher has a bit more belly fat that most.


Cut to present day (we know this because it's suddenly color) and we meet the strippers. Goth girl Olivia (Olivia Bellafontaine) is the film's Final Girl.

This stripper is killed immediately...

We can see right away the slasher is Crystal (Crystal Swarovski).

Now we meet this girl.  I watched and rewatched and never caught the name; actress unknown. 

She takes a shower.

After slipping on a button-down shirt and making coffee, she's hit over the head with a hammer.

As she's pulled away, we get a gratuitous view.

Crystal invites Olivia and a couple other strippers to her brother's house.

Her brother John (Timothy Whitfield) seems a little weird.

Another B&W flashback of the brother and sister killing random girls.

A photographer is taking pictures of Erin (Erin Taylor) and her lover (Cadence St. John) - who have no relation to anyone in this film.  I guess the woods are nearby?
 
Erin relaxes on a blanket while the other girl takes a piss.

The camera pans up her body.

The masked killer takes out Erin then her tatted up lover.

Crystal and John in the bathroom demonstrating their incestuous relationship.

Dolly (Stephanie Paris) has been tied up by her lover, Polly.

Crystal enters the room in place of Polly.

She holds Dolly while John stabs her.

Crystal dances naked in front of a mirror with really awful background music. 

Olivia takes a shower and is knocked out by John.

She wakes up tied to a chair.  While John and Crystal bicker, she finds a way to escape.

She's pursued, but manages to kill John.

Crystal jumps on top of Olivia and kills her.

She takes the mask off John and wears it herself. THE END


It doesn't take a big budget to bring new ideas to the table.  The slasher genre died out because the films just became clones, with all the edges blunted. Here we are thirty years after the genre's boom, and we're still just regurgitating the original formula with nothing whatsoever added; so, what's the point?  I appreciate that they at least tried to retain the sleaziness (although, basically no gore), but otherwise this was pretty stale.

★★★☆☆4/10

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