Witch, More Than Witch! (1977)

(Original Title: ¡Bruja, más que bruja! ) A bizarre Spanish film directed by Fernando Fernán Gómez (also starring) about a woman who makes the mistake of marrying a rich man instead of her true lover.  They work with a witch to get rid of the man so that the lovers can be united.  Sounds pretty basic, right?  Well, they fucked it up all to hell by making this a musical... but not just any type of musical, like an opera (zarzuela).

Fernando Fernán Gómez said he wanted to make a film completely unlike anything in North America, and he certainly achieved it.  This is a cult film that can only be appreciated by the Spanish, pretty much the rest of the planet will be left out in the cold.  Everybody loves Emma Cohen, and she does show boobs and cleavage galore, but aside from that - a miserable experience.

 A wedding ceremony set in Guadalajara

 Mariana (Emma Cohen) made the mistake of marrying the richest dude in town, Tío Justino (Fernando Fernán Gómez).

Emma Cohen was actually married to Gómez in real life.  Well not married the whole time, but in a relationship that lasted from the seventies through his death, aside from a year-long affair with famous writer Juan Benet. 

Mariana confides that her true love is a guy named Juez, and she's miserable.  And she says it in an operatic song... worse, a lip-synced operatic song.  This would be unwatchable were it not for Emma Cohen's cleavage.

Justino is oblivious that his wife is madly in love with the man at their table, Juez (José Lifante)

Justino treats her badly.

Mariana visits a witch Tía Larga (Mary Santpere); maybe she can help her situation.

And here we go.  I hate that I wasted almost two hours of my life watching this shit, but on the other hand, there's this, and I'd hate to have missed another Emma Cohen nude scene.

Tia Larga gives them various instructions to get rid of Justino.

None of the witch's plans work, until...

She presents Juez with an ax imbued with spells.

He kills Justino.

The authorities suspect foul play - and we get a long intolerable musical performance.  

Even the witch does some singing.  Kill me now.

As I've already expressed, this was a nightmare.  There's bad movies.. and then there's movies which are a torture to watch. Listening to this horrible music, watching these actors lip-sync to it, was just fucking intolerable.  Again, Emma Cohen's boobs and omnipresent cleavage was the only thing which made me able to press on. 

I respect that Fernando Fernán Gómez tried to do something different, which was 100% Spain-centric.  And I understand there is a cult appreciation for this within the country.  But for the rest of us non-Spanish folks, what-in-the-ever-lovin'-fuck?
★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆