Apr 15, 2020

Teen-Age Jail Bait (1973)


You don't get more problematic than this movie title; thankfully, no one in this film is a teenager.  In fact, nothing about this title or poster makes any sense. It's a horrific home invasion story, where Rene Bond (featured in the poster) is just a side character.




 Sue (Rene Bond) and Amanda Forsythe (Kriss Kross) are stranded.  Their fancy Cadillac has broken down.

 Not to worry. Garth (Christopher Geoffries) and Joey (John Alderman) roll up in their dune buggy to save the day.

The two couples pair up.  Sue stays with Garth at the dune buggy, and Amanda goes with Joey to their campsite.

 Amanda explains that she's a Forsythe - a wealthy family.

 She also hates her family, especially her stepmother.

 Joey has had enough of talking, and rapes her.

 I've seen John Alderman lay pipe in a fair share of movies; I'm not sure I've ever seen him go to town with this much gusto before.

 I'm sure you can guess what happens with Sue and Garth.

 Garth rapes her, but is unable to get it up. Embarrassing. 

 Amanda and Joey work out a plan to take her parents' money.  

 Amanda and Sue return home, and her parents, Jack (Chesley Noone) and Valerie Forsythe (Marsha Jordan), scold her for being late.

 Amanda just acts like a spoiled little bitch.

 Joey and Garth appear. He has Valerie take him to the safe located in the bedroom.

 Garth grabs Amanda's sister, Linda Forsythe (Sandy Dempsey).



 Up in the bedroom, Valerie gets to know Joey a little better.


 When they return, this is what they find.  Holy fucking shit.  They have Linda tied, spread eagle on the table.  Jack and Valerie are tied to chairs, and Amanda is butt naked.

 The tablecloth is removed, revealing Linda naked underneath.  Amanda yells:
"This is little Linda's coming of age party.  It's about time she grew up.  Maybe by the time we're through with her tonight she'll be a virgin between her toes... but everything else is going to get an awful lot of experience."
Jeez.  Sandy Dempsey barely utters a word in this film.  She spends most of her screen time knocked out, naked and spread eagle on a table.
JACK: For god's sakes Amanda, that's your own sister!
VALERIE: You depraved psycho! 

 Valerie is right.  This girl is a depraved psycho.  At knifepoint, she takes Valerie to another room.

 Sue asks Garth to go to another room.

 This time, he's able to perform.


 Garth switches sides and goes after Joey, but is killed.  Sue unties Jack.

 After Joey kills Garth, Jack kills Joey.

 He returns into the house to find Amanda covered in blood and wielding a knife.

Jack shoots his daughter.  Thank god. This bitch needed to go.  THE END


About as dirty and grimy as they get.  I'm not used to seeing John Alderman in a role that seems meant for a guy like David Hess, and he didn't quite fit the part.  Kriss Kross, however, was perfect - a little too convincing as the homicidal brat. Marsha Jordan is a little past her prime. Rene Bond, who does look great, kinda phones this one in (more than her usual phoning in).  And, finally, Dempsey, who's entire part was to lay naked on a table.  Seems a bit of a waste.
★★★★★

1 comment:

  1. Fantastic collection. Where can we purchase the Turkish Flicks? Thanks

    ReplyDelete