Jun 30, 2019

Silent Bloodnight (2006)

Despite this film being universally hated (called "a stupefying mess" and "unintentionally comical and inadvertently insane" by reviewers), I still was curious how Austria would handle the slasher genre.  Let's check it out...

 The beginning of this film is a confusing hot mess - you don't know who is who, or what the hell is going on.  I've managed to piece it together: Nina, a mentally disabled girl, is raped and murdered by a couple of guys who are subsequently killed by an unknown person.

 Cut to Sabrina, a newsgirl who's doing a short piece on a summer camp.

 Sabrina is played by Vanessa Vee, who brings me great joy.  She's a terrible actress, delivering all her lines in a thick Austrian accent with broken English and a dopey smile.

 Sabrina is obsessed with the case of the missing girl, Nina.  She hunts through the area looking for clues (wearing a hot bikini) - finding a condom.

Cindy (Christine Dune) and Dana (Julia Melcher) are a couple friends helping with the summer camp.

 Sabrina has changed bikinis and is back to broadcasting.  Who the hell is watching this?  I'm not quite understanding Sabrina's role as a journalist, but I'm willing to roll with it.

 Dana goes for a swim, and she finds the body of a missing girl, Jamie.   Yes, Nina was the girl raped and murdered, but Jamie is another girl killed that night.  I told you it was a bit confusing.

 That night a figure in white attempts to kill Sabrina in bed.

 Sabrina's father is the town's sheriff.  He comes to her aid, but can't find the killer.

 Daddy carries Sabrina to bed - which seems a bit odd.

 The bodies keep piling up.  Sabrina finds a dead waitress on the floor of a restaurant.

 This film sucks, but Sabrina's dialog just makes my day.  Everyone's English is bad, but Sabrina's is hilarious.  Just check out a bit of dialog after she finds the dead waitress:

Matt: Vy are you flying off ze handle?  Your fahdder knows vat he ees doing.
Sabrina: Daddy ees jus a pencil pooshahr. He kant even vind ze guy eef he vas verring a sticka sayin murderer.
Matt: Hello planet earth calling Sabrina.
Sabrina: Don't gang opp on me! I remember dis! 

 Dana has sex back at the lakeside cabin.  A pretty graphic sex scene, and seems real - without your standard sex scene background music, it's just two people screwing.

This scene is amazing.  The killer barges into the room, and Dana goes running completely nude.  Like in the My Bloody Valentine remake, the slasher chases the naked girl for a pretty good while, not shying away from the nudity.   Bravo to actress Julia Melcher in her first movie role.

 Eventually the killer catches up to her and stabs her to death.  We see that the killer is Jacob Wilson, the brother of the dead mentally disabled girl (and boyfriend of Jamie who was drowned).

This is probably the films most effective shot.  We're looking down upon the stark image of Dana, dead and nude, then the camera (a crane shot) pulls away, up over the roof of the house.

Sabrina and Cindy hide in the back of a truck.  However Jacob (now joined by his father Willy, his partner in crime), send exhaust fumes into the back, knocking the girls out.

But Sabrina's dad shows up in the nick of time, and puts his gun to Jacob's head.  Justice is served, and Sabrina is quickly back to smiling and talking shit in broken English.  THE END

Man, this movie gets a lot of undeserved hate.  Sure, it's beyond terrible, but it's laugh-out-loud terrible.  If you watch this with friends, you'll have a blast.  I don't often recommend a movie based on the overused "so bad it's good" review  - but this takes it to another level - largely due to the language barrier.

Of course, how much mileage can you get from the childish humor derived from the Austrian accents and insanely awful dialog?  Well, if you're like me, it never gets old.  Plus, Julia Melcher's nude chase scene is worth the price of the Blockbuster video rental alone.

Still, I can't give it too much hype - there is plenty about Silent Bloodnight that deserves the hate it receives. The whole story regarding Jacob, Nina, Jamie, Willy, etc. is a confusing mess.   And it's a crying shame Vanessa Vee didn't have the same lack of inhibition as Julia Melcher - it would have been nice to see her out of that bikini.


1 comment:

  1. Julia Melcher' sex scene and chase is the best of this movie.