Blood Kiss (1999)



As with most SOV films, the amateurishness knows no bounds, but it's all done with heart. If you've ever seen American Movie, released this same year, then you maybe can appreciate this odd little corner of the horror genre landscape.


























CHARACTERS
RATING: ★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆  5/10

REVIEW: This is a nasty little movie - scummy, and unpleasant from beginning to end. Even if it was good, nothing could make up for having to see a close up of Danny's bloody dick. On the plus side, it is just wall-to-wall naked girls - I'm frankly amazed at the director's ability to get this many women to agree to getting fully nude. I'm sure they were all strippers - but still.


DOUBLE FEATURE - Blood Kiss (1999) and Bite (1991)




SYNOPSIS

It all started when Danny Dodd (Jeff Murphy) took his wife and daughter to a local yard sale. Yes, this is our hero - a chain smoking fat dude with a mullet. His wife, Elaine (Kathy Roth), found an ancient book at the yard sale and has become obsessed with it. Danny gives his wife a fun-loving spanking. But there's nothing fun about Elaine's obsession with this book. It ultimately leads to her sacrificing their daughter on the backyard picnic table. Elaine conjures up a vampire, Adam Mortis (Steve Lee). The undead bloodsucker kills his wife then takes off with his daughter.

Ten years later, we find Adam Mortis passed out in a stairwell. A young woman (Crystal Harrell) comes to his aid. The smooth talking vampire convinces the girl to let him into her apartment and have a drink. As with every adult female in this movie without exception, she gets naked. They take a shower together, then Adam bites her neck. Adam goes to Augies strip joint. Adam goes home with a stripper (Melinda Shaffer). He kills her then sucks his blood. [Note that the story line is a bit different than I'm presenting it. The killings are intercut with Danny's flashback scenes - the whole story of the yard sale through the tiki torch ritual takes the entire length of the movie to tell... and by the way, this movie is fucking two hours long!]

Next, we meet Miranda (Michelle DeGuzman). She's Adam's slave; she lures in victims to provide him with fresh blood. Miranda has found a skanky dirtbag to serve as a victim for Adam. A hooker (Stephani Johnson) gets enlisted to be another slave for Adam. The hooker gets sick due to lack of blood. Miranda gives her assistance. Probably the most effective scene in the movie involves the hooker killing a girl in a barren, muddy wasteland. She's completely nude and covered in blood, and the setting is pretty cool. Danny has a nightmare where Miranda and the hooker emerge from the foot of his bed. Adam sleeps with his two slaves. The hooker lures a victim to the waterbed.

Danny manages to capture Miranda. Adam and the hooker soon follow. It's up to him to avenge the murder of his wife and daughter. Danny is tied to a chair and the hooker literally bites his dick... and I kid you not, the camera shows his bloody pecker and droopy nuts. Fucking gross! In the final scene, Danny drives a stake through the hooker's heart, but is shot dead by the police. THE END

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