Your Tour Guide Through Cinema Trash (and Treasures)

Dec 21, 2018

A.A.A. Masseuse, Good-Looking, Offers Her Services (1972)

Original Title: A.A.A. Massaggiatrice bella presenza offresi...  A girl moves away from her parents to make it as a masseuse.  Unfortunately, all her clients end up being dead.  Just as unfortunate - the long clunky title of this film.  It refers to the advertisement the girl places in the paper for her masseuse business.

This may be the coolest opening title sequence to any Giallo film ever.  The music is groovy, and it pauses to introduce each character like a 70s cop movie (or The Beastie Boys "Sabotage" video).

The groovy intro hits us with each character... some of them extremely bit parts; inconsequential and only onscreen for a few minutes.  I think they just loved the look of introducing characters like this, so they used as many actors present in the film as they could find, no matter how little they matter to the story.

One character that does matter is Paola Senatore as Cristina. We ran into Senatore in Like Rabid Dogs (1976).  I love this uninhibited ginger sexpot.  I'm sure we'll be encountering her again as she was in a ton of good 'n' sleazy genre movies such as Eaten Alive!, Salon Kitty and Women in Cell Block 7.

 Cristina has moved away from home to live in the city with her friend Paola (Simonetta Vitelli).  To earn a living, she places an advertisement in the paper to be a masseuse which reads "A.A.A. Masseuse, Good-Looking, Offers Her Services"

 Cristina arrives at the residence of her first customer, a body-builder and health-nut, Mario (Armando Bottin).

 Cristina emerges from the bathroom naked.  Mario is surprised... as was I.  Clearly, Cristina has other ideas about how to perform her newfound profession.

Meanwhile, Cristina's mother (Yvonne Sanson) lays the bad news on her father -  they're daughter has moved.  Her father is beside himself with anger.

 Cristina meets up with this shady character - Oskar (Howard Ross). He knows of some rich guys, and basically pimps her out to higher paying clients.

 Cristina does her job with a rich client (Giancarlo Prete).  

A couple observations: First, it takes over forty minutes before there's a murder in this film!  I mean, it's just a boring story of Cristina and her clients for about half the movie.  Second, this character earns a title credit...

We never see him again.  I'm sorry to belabor the point, but I just find it immensely hilarious that all these actors get bigtime credit in the title sequence - even though you-blink-and-you'll-miss-them in the film!

 We find Cristina being carried in the nude by another client - Professor D'Angelo (Franco Ressel).

 D'Angelo has a bath fetish, and so bathes Cristina.  Note that there's no full frontal nudity in this film.

Professor D'Angelo is murdered by your standard Giallo serial killer - the face is obscured, they wear all black, and always wear gloves.  This time the killer wears yellow rubber gloves.

Cristina is paid handsomely for her services with D'Angelo, but Oskar knows he was a stingy man.  Could it be that Cristina is the killer?  Oskar begins to wonder.  This is actually actually a rather interesting twist.  As standardized and by-the-book as the Giallos were, the directors always manage to bring a unique style and spin to each movie. In this case, to have the lead character be one of the prime suspects is pretty unusual; usually it's everyone surrounding the main heroine.

 Cristina meets with yet another client, Santino (Carlos Gentili). 

 Santino wraps a stocking around her throat and tells her to reveal who killed Professor D'Angelo.

 He then lets go, and tells her he was only joking.  Ha-ha... wasn't that funny?

Santino has a foot fetish.  He has Cristini wear high heels and walk around in the nude.  After Cristina leaves, Santino is murdered.

 Paola is having issues with her new roommate.  Not only is she tempting her boyfriend, Franco (Jerry Colman), but she also has a bad habit of providing sex for men who die shortly thereafter.

 Cristina does her thing with Fabretto (Mario Valdemarin), another customer who winds up dead. This is getting ridiculous.

 Franco talks with Paola, and we get a shot that looks like that famous scene in The Graduate.  The depiction of a woman's legs tempting a man in the background has been used so many times.

The Graduate is the most famous example, but we've seen it in A Guide for the Married Man (1967), Bachelor Party, Call Me, Dressed to Kill, My Mom's a Werewolf... the list goes on.

Now we see Paola from Franco's perspective.  Paola is breaking up with Franco and severing her relationship with Cristina.

Actress Simonetta Vitelli was a hottie - a shame she doesn't get much use in this film.  Her last picture was Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks (1974) - something I definitely plan on watching.

And just like that, the police find the true killer.  It's Cristina's father. Apparently he really had issues with his daughter's sexual shenanigans.  Pretty much the exact same killer's motives as The French Sex Murders (1972).  It ends with Cristina walking down a road all by herself to music that sounds like an Italian Jimi Hendrix.  THE END

This was good, but it had some serious flaws, mainly the fact that forty five minutes go by before a single murder takes place.  It was pretty repetitive as well - with Cristina servicing one client after another.

Paola Senatore is gorgeous and spends a lot of screen time naked.  This makes up for the monotony, the boring-as-hell cops, and the pointless relationship between Paola and Franco.  So much was done wrong here - but the ultra-groovy music and the trademark Giallo vibe make it worth a watch nonetheless.


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