Oct 31, 2018

Animal Instincts III (1996)

A late-night cable erotic drama about a female author and her "blind" record producer boyfriend.  The girl engages in all manner of sexual exploits in front of him, clearly too stupid to know he actually sees it all.

So why watch watch a late-night cable shitfest that looks to be terrible from the very start?  Because there's promise of ample nudity... and I'm having trouble coming up with another reason.

Joanna Cole (Alexander Keith) is the author of the erotic autobiography Animal Instincts.  In the book she tells of her various exhibitionist sexual encounters.  Keith has twelve IMDb credits, this being her first.

The famous blind record producer, Alex Savage (James Matthew), invites Joanna to his posh mansion, then inspects her with a sniff.

Alex breaks the fourth wall by admitting to the audience straight away that he's not blind.  Joanna also speaks to the camera.  I'm not sure why, but movies in the nineties had a tendency to do this, and it's really terrible.

For some reason, while Alex and Joanna speak to the camera, we get flashes of Joanna in B&W naked. These are actually the best shots of Alexander Keith, and are featured throughout the film.  I guess the director, Gregory Dark, was trying to be artsy.

Alex invites Joanna to a private room and shows her a mirror.  He asks, "Who are you, Joanna Cole? What do you see?"

She strips and responds, "I don't know.  That's why I need to be watched.  The only sense I have of myself I gather from those who see me.... It's like I'm painting a picture I cannot see, because my soul is the canvas."

The movie is chock full of this overblown flowery dialog. It's not how anyone on earth talks.

And so we have the voyeur and the exhibitionist.  The perfect pair.

It's pretty fucking hilarious watching Joanna constantly rubbing herself and getting naked for the onlooking staff.  They can't even have breakfast together with her getting hot and bothered over something; meanwhile, Alex plays like he doesn't see.

 Alex works with some posturing poseur rock star named Trick Willy (John Bates).  Joanna, of course, keeps showing him her tits while he records in the studio.

 Joanna and Trick Willy have sex while Alex plays like Ray Charles on the piano.

As Alex and Joanna narrate, we get more B&W weird artsy images.  WTF?  It's also odd that these are the only scenes where Alexander Keith shows explicit full frontal nudity.

Joanna as some kind of puppet.  Alex says in the background: "Joanna Cole is as hooked on exhibitionism as the smoker is to nicotine."  Oh so profound.  You get the impression they thought they were doing something clever and artistic with these strange B&W interludes.

Alex invites a white rapper over named Shane Hooligan (Anthony Lesa); he makes Vanilla Ice look legit.  This guy is beyond cringeworthy.

 Of course, Shane Hooligan and Joanna are soon doing it in the kitchen right in front of Alex.

 I'm not exaggerating when I say Alexander Keith is naked in essentially every scene she's in.  Not a bad film debut.

Joanna pays the maids to just go along with her plan.  She's going to lure Alex into a threesome.  I'm not sure what this proves, or what the point is, but I'm down.

Alex goes to town on a girl while Joanna strips and we get a rare full frontal in color.  The girl is played by a chick named Jenteal, who has to be a porn star with a name like that.

Also take note that one of the maids is none other than Jacqueline Lovell, queen of nineties late night cable fun.

Alex does Joanna and the girl, while the maids go down on each other.  Alex is living the dream.

 Alex invites yet another musician into his home.  This time he's playing it dangerous with a gangsta rap artist named Stone Chill (Marcus Grahm).

At the table, Chill sends a note over to Joanna. This may be my favorite screen capture of all time.

 Joanna shows him her titties as directed.

Next, Chill tells her to have sex with his bodyguard.  Alex continues to pretend he doesn't notice.

Just fucking bizarre.  Alex dances to Chill's hip-hop on the cassette tape while Joanna and the bodyguard grind away.

 Shit starts to get real when Chill holds her at knifepoint and writes on her body with a Sharpie.

"Only one man can be in charge of the life of chill and that man is Stone Chill himself - goodbye Slave Owner"

 Chill ties up Joanna and Alex.... but Alex has a trick up his sleeve.  He used to be a knife thrower (yep, no joke) and throws a knife at Chill, killing him.

 Joanna is rescued, but realizing she's been conned, that Alex isn't blind, she decides to leave him.

It ends with some lame testimonial to the camera.  THE END

These late night cable movies are usually so cookie-cutter, but this one broke the mold enough to make it interesting.  The final scene with the gangsta rapper was pure dynamite.  Plus, Alexander Keith is naked in every single scene she's in.  These straight-to-Cinemax flicks often just feature two or three nude scenes from the lead actress, usually in the bedroom in poor lighting with soft jazz or shitty guitar noodling. Here, Keith is nude from beginning to end.  When your grading a soft core flick, this kind of stuff matters!

Unfortunately, the idea to have Joanna and Alex constantly talk directly to the camera is pure cancer.  The dialog is pretentious and groan-inducing.  The B&W scenes try and fail to be artistic, etc. the list of bad things about this film are endless.  But then there's Alexander Keith nude around every corner, so maybe things aren't so bad after all.


No comments:

Post a Comment