Penthouse Playgirls (1972)

Die Mädchenhändler (original title) written and directed by Erwin C. Dietrich (as Manfred Gregor). It's a Swiss look at white slavery - in both a comedic and violent perspective.... which is downright odd.  Let's have a look.

A couple kidnappers for a white slavery organization get in an elevator with a pretty girl.  (This isn't going to turn out well.)

The kidnappers chloroform the woman.  The guy doing the Bill Cosby is actually the director, Erwin C. Dietrich.

Upskirt alert.  The victim here is Rena Bergen who was in a decent amount of seventies exploitation coming out of Germany, sometimes starring with Ingrid Steeger.

 The film methodically shows the kidnappers taking her to their secret location.  

They lay her on a cot in a dingy windowless room (a scene we'll see played out several times before the film is through). What comes next sort-of blew my mind...

 The director, Erwin C. Dietrich, literally rips her panties off.  It looks so fucking painful!

They clearly are not "breakaway" panties - Dietrich has to really yank and work at them to get them to rip off!

Finally the title screen appears - along with music that sounds like the beginning of a sixties crime show.  As we follow the head of the white slavery syndicate out of his office, down hallways, it really starts to look and sound like a TV intro.

So, the plan is this: the white slavers will hold a "Miss Busen" (Miss Bosom) contest in Berlin.  It will serve as the perfect front for their slavery operation to abduct girls with big titties.

The next section of the film introduces us to the women who will end up contestants in the Miss Busen contest.  Starting with Ingrid (Melitta Tegeler)...

Ingrid works at a nightclub.  A wrestler asks if there is anyone from the audience willing to wrestle in the mud pit.  Ingrid raises her hand (pretending to be just another customer volunteering).

The crowd watches as Ingrid removes every stitch of clothing.  Does the audience not suspect this girl is actually a hired part of the act?  I guess it was the seventies, when everything goes.

We pretty much watch the entirety of the wrestling match. A nude woman battles a Lucha wrestler in Switzerland... what an odd show.

 After the show, Inga goes to the dressing room to wash off.  There, she speaks with Margot (Margrit Siegel) her fellow entertainer. Margot says they should enter this contest she read about in the papers - the Miss Busen contest.

Gerda (Nadine De Rangot) is a bartender in Zurich. She's convinced by a patron to enter the contest as well.

Gerda checks out her cans in the mirror, and decides she's got what it takes.  You'll note that the majority of the ladies in this film are rather "thick" even by seventies standards.  I don't know if that's because the director wanted a realistic boob contest (in a time before breast implants) or he just had a thing for women with meat on their bones.

The final contestant we meet beforehand is Claudine (Christa Free). We encountered her last in What Really Happened to Miss Jonas? (1974).

The day arrives and we meet all nine contestants.  Don't bother looking at IMDb for this group - it's hopelessly incomplete and incorrect.

1 - Claudine (Christa Free), 2- Evelyn (Ilonka List), 3 - Ingrid (Melitta Tegeler), 4 - Linda (Claudia Fielers), 5 - Carla (?), 6 - Heidelotte (Monica Marc), 7 - Margot (Margrit Siegel), 8 - Erica (?) and 9 - Gerda (Nadine De Rangot)

Number six is Heidelotte (Monica Marc) from Liverpool.  A couple things: no one in Liverpool has the name Heidelotte, and why would this chick think she can enter a Miss Busen contest?  We last met Monica Marc in I Like the Girls that Do, a really fun movie.

What the fuck? Heidelotte comes in first place!  (Claudine and Gerda are runners up.)  She may be the cutest girl on the stage, but winner of the boob contest she is not. Whatever.

 Heidelotte celebrates with the hosts of the contest, not realizing they're white slavers and her champagne is drugged.

The slavers leave, and Heidelotte gets undressed (as all women do in this film), then starts to feel woozy.

She passes out and the slavers return to collect their booty.

Erwin C. Dietrich is very clinical about showing the actresses carried to the hideout - showing the whole process, I guess to deliver maximum T&A.

If I were to make a drinking game for this film, it might be to take a stiff drink every time the slavers bring a KO'd chick to this room. You'll be hammered before the film ends.

 Heidelotte awakens and hears a voice over the intercom telling her she's now under the control of the white slavers.  Resistance is futile.

Later a couple goons try and rape Heidelotte.  The big boss, Chef der Mädchenhändler, sees this on the security camera and shoots the guy in the arm.  You don't fuck the merchandise.

Chef der Mädchenhändler is played by Rolf Häubi who seems so genuinely, naturally evil it's scary.  Häubi was only in a few films, and should have been in a lot more. This smiling, ruthless sociopath is truly frightening.  (Unfortunately, we have to see Rolf Häubi's cock 'n' balls a few times as he takes a sauna and screws Margali.)

Ingrid and Margot are captured and brought before the Chef der Mädchenhändler.  He makes them have sex with each other on his office carpet, while he and Margali watch.

 The two goons now kidnap Gerda - they chloroform her while she's sleeping. 

When the goon has to lift her out of bed over his shoulder, he makes all kind of jokes about her weight - about "slipping a disc" and getting a hernia. 

Which makes you wonder what the hell the purpose of the Miss Busen contest was in the first place.  They needed this even to find heavy chicks?  They couldn't find them without holding a contest?  No comprende.

Gerda is tied up in that room and molested by Margali. Have you noticed that basically every single frame contains someone naked?  That's not just my choosing - there is literally that much nudity in this film.  It quite literally doesn't go a minute without someone getting naked.

 Claudine is out sunbathing on a raft (nude, of course) when the kidnappers arrive.

They drown her (not enough to kill her) and plop her on the yacht.  God I hate those Speedos.

The last ten minutes are just fucking weird.  The film turns into a lighthearted comedy.  Heidelotte greets the customers just as happy and affable as can be.  It's all good!

When her customer gets his hair buzzed by a fan, she cracks up.  I'm surprised there isn't a laugh track.  Heidelotte is having a great time being a sex slave!

The comedy keeps on coming.  Gerda has a customer that reminds me of Alvaro Vitali. His fetish is that he likes to pose for photographs and I suppose we're supposed to be dying with laughter.

It ends with Chef der Mädchenhändler getting a massage from Margali.  They decide the police are getting too close so they'll need to relocate.  THE END

Holy shit what did I just watch?  This went from a dark look at white slavery and rape to a goofball comedy!  Aside from that odd shift in tone, this whole movie felt a bit weird; a real twisted tone.

Yes there's constant nudity, but the girls aren't that great looking.  Monica Marc is pretty cute, but otherwise I didn't care much for the actresses.  The story just amounts to naked girls getting abducted, which isn't necessarily bad in a sleazy exploitation film - but there's just nothing to latch onto here.... aside from those love handles. 

★★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆