Incoming Freshmen (1979)

This film holds a special place in my heart because it's the first VHS I ever rented that I wasn't allowed to rent, if you know what I mean. A friend and I rented this based on the cover alone back around 1983. I recall being pretty disappointed, but let's see how it holds up forty-one years later.

CHARACTERS

• Vivian Marie Roberson (Leslie Blalock)
• Jane McAllister (Ashley Vaughn)
• Professor Bilbo (B.M. Culpepper)
• Sgt. Laverne Finterplay (Marilyn Faith Hickey)
• Ms. Seymore (Wendy Stuart)
• Randy (Richard Harriman)
• Phil (Jim Overbey)
• "Tube Top Girl" (Rebecca Franklin)
• binoculars girl (Peggy Murphy)
• cheerleaders (Joan Lee and Bambi Everson).
• boxer (Alice Barrett)
• girl in the front row (Debbie Fink)
• cake girl (Leslie Tulips)
• Maxine 'The Machine' (Georgia Harrell)

RATING: ☆☆☆☆ 410

REVIEW: Okay, so it should be self-evident that the story is intolerably boring; every minute spent watching Jane is a minute wasted. Sadly, I remember my friend and I watching this back in '83 swearing this girl was Pia Zadora. Wrong. But in a day before IMDb and the internet, I guess it can be forgiven. I can't help it - I enjoyed Professor Bilbo and his perverted fantasies about his students. Those precious few scenes were a lot of fun. Otherwise, this was a genuine Tennessee certified piece o' shit.

SYNOPSIS

Jane (Ashley Vaughn) is a small town girl having a hard time fitting in at this liberal arts college. Vivian (Leslie Blalock), her roommate, is having no problem sleeping around. Professor Bilbo (B.M. Culpepper) teaches world history. Prof. Bilbo constantly fantasizes about his students getting naked (starting with actress Lisa Wolf). Bilbo has a guest speaker, Sgt. Laverne Finterplay (Marilyn Faith Hickey) talking to the class about ROTC. Bilbo's fantasies aren't limited to his students. He imagines Sgt. Laverne nude in front of the class.

Vivian is the Phoebe Cates of the movie - well versed in the ways of men, always willing to dole out sexual advice. Hayseed Jane is the Jennifer Jason Leigh character, an amateur in the ways of sex. Jane is upset that her beau back home is cheating on her. Vivian consoles her friend. [The drama in this film is just so poorly acted with awful sound quality, it's hard to care about anything that's going on. Bring on more Professor Bilbo!] Ah yeah. There he is. Professor Bilbo has selected a student to go to the map at the front of the class. Ms. Seymore (Wendy Stuart) is chosen.

Jane and Vivian's counterparts are Randy (Richard Harriman) and Phil (Jim Overbey). Randy has no luck with the women, and Phil is the campus stud. Out for a walk, Randy and Phil come across "Tube Top Girl" (Rebecca Franklin). Randy becomes obsessed. Randy fantasizes about Tube Top Girl. Jane and Vivian continue to have unbearably boring conversations about men. At the school locker room. Our hero, Professor Bilbo is lurking in the shower room. This was comical in 1979 - I'm guessing a major felony today. Randy and Jane are hitting it off. Both have difficulty with the opposite sex and must discuss their encounters of neurotic anxiety with their more-experienced counterparts, Vivian and Phil.

Another trope in full effect: the guys are spying on the girl's dorm across the way. They see a naked student (Peggy Murphy) through binoculars. We're back to Bilbo's class. Bilbo fantasizes about the two cheerleaders in his class (Joan Lee and Bambi Everson). Bilbo's fantasies are really running wild today. Now, he sees one of the students (Alice Barrett) as a topless boxer. Bilbo fantasizes about the girl in the front row (Debbie Fink) before he finally adjourns class early. His active imagination is starting to take its toll.

Randy and Jane go on a double date at the local disco (where some pretty cool music is being played, sounding like a cross between War and Sly & the Family Stone). Afterwards, they make out - but Jane just won't go all the way. In fact, she won't even pass first base. Randy doesn't have the patience to put up with this. Jane seeks help via meditation/hypnosis to help her loosen up. A fucking horrifying scene. The girls put on pig masks and lure Bilbo into the locker room. They then force him into a shower, Carrie style.

Jane prepares for a frat party. Vivian tells her she needs to lose the bra. No one wears those anymore, she says. At the frat party a girl (Leslie Tulips) pops out of a birthday cake. Birthday boy, Frank 'Skunk' Henderson (Dennis O'Keefe) gets so overly excited I started to get a little worried. Bilbo shows up. He says he's done being an asshole. Let's boogie! The wild party continues and we meet Maxine 'The Machine' (Georgia Harrell). Skunk Henderson is at it again, basically masturbating over the women at the party. This guy is supposed to be comedic, but he's scaring me. The party continues. Girls and guys strip and climb into a phone booth. Randy has moved on to another girl; maybe she'll actually put out. The band at the party. What was it with Halloween masks in this film? The movie ends with Jane finally deciding to let her hair down and have some fun. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean she gets naked. The movie just ends.