Mar 12, 2018

Keep It Up Jack (1974)

"How To Keep Seven Sexy Girls And One Big Secret!"

Jack (Mark Jones) is a terribly unsuccessful stage performer, playing to half-empty rooms of children.  But it gets worse.  After the show, Jack peeks in on his fiance, Lilly (Juliet Groves)....

Lily is getting pounded by some anonymous fella, and tells him to piss off.

His fellow actor, Sylvie (Yvette Vanson) suggests that maybe they're relationship isn't the best.
Sylvie: Why don't you give up, Jack? You can see she's not... keen on you.
Jack: But we're engaged!  She just needs to settle down that's all.
But things are looking up.  Jack has just learned from Mr. Clarke (Frank Thornton - Col. Peacock from "Are You Being Served?") that he's just inherited a 10 bedroom estate.

There's one catch.  That estate is currently a brothel.

Jack pays a visit to his new inheritance, and is immediately confronted with the sight of Virginia (Sue Longhurst) writhing naked on silk sheets.

As I've mentioned before, Sue Longhurst is my favorite of all the British Sex Comedy actresses.  She's beautiful, can deliver the comedy with the best of them, and wasn't afraid to bare it all.

Sue Longhurst

Jack tries to break the bad news to Virginia that Auntie is dead, but he's such a weak and sensitive fellow, he can't bring himself to.

Instead, Jack utilizes his stage talents (he was "Jack of a Thousand Faces" at the music halls) and pretends to be his late Auntie.

This leads to an interesting scene in the bathroom.  Jack has to literally tuck his dick between his legs (Silence of Lambs/Crying Game style) when Virginia enters.

Virginia introduces "Auntie" to two employees of the brothel - a blonde, Gloria (Linda Regan) who specializes in baby fetishes and a brunette, Caroline (Jennifer Westbrook) who specializes in bondage.

Jennifer Westbrook featured prominently in The Sex Thief, and Linda Regan was in a bunch of similar fare from this period.

Linda Regan
Regan went on to more "respectable" projects in the eighties and nineties, and has written at least six crime novels.

Caroline undresses at the breakfast table, then trips and falls naked into "Auntie's" lap.  It's like a Bosom Buddies episode - with nudity!

The scene used for some movie posters
 Initially, Jack has difficulty lining up clients, so has to use his stage talents again and disguise himself as a customer.  He has an "appointment" with Gloria.

But soon, the customers start rolling in, and the brothel expands its staff.

Jack/Auntie starts to wonder if this was all a bad idea, and considers closing the establishment.  But then, a new applicant arrives, and Jack is absolutely smitten.

The girl's name is Fleur and she's played by Maggi Burton.

Maggi Burton was born in Queensland, Australia and was a Pet at the London Penthouse Club. She  studied nine years of piano, gaining Australian Musical Education qualifications that entitled her to teach.  She was also Penthouse Magazine (US) Pet of the Month for January 1973.

Jack is so enamored by Fleur, he dresses up in multiple disguises to partake in multiple "sessions" with Fleur.  (One such disguise was a of a Chinese man that would surely not pass the politically correct test today.)

Caroline and another prostitute pay Fleur a visit to see what makes her so popular.  They end up pouring champagne on her and having a three-way.  Damn, this film could really use a restoration on Blu-ray.  The picture quality is horrible - and this I believe is the best version out there at present.

Fleur hears a man singing in the shower.  She assumes it must be a client, so barges in to the bathroom.

It's Jack! Virginia goes looking for Fleur and finds this compromising scene.

Jack hurries away, but Virginia's suspicions are aroused.

Fleur starts to fall for Auntie's nephew, Jack.

The two have sex.  Maggi Burton supplies another round of full frontal nudity.  Indeed, Burton supplies the bulk of the film's nude scenes.

Another look at Maggie Burton from her Penthouse pictorial  
Jack, once again, disguises himself to have a session with Fleur.  This time he's an over-the-top Texas oil man.  I must admit, Mark Jones isn't exactly good at these impressions, and his many disguises start to wear a bit thin.

Maggie Burton provides nudity once again.  This esteemed pianist from Australia was not shy one bit.

Unfortunately, the smart Virginia finally uncovers Jack's ruse.  His pathetic game has been discovered.

Virginia and Jack construct an elaborate ruse to have Auntie "killed".  I'll spare the details; suffice it to say - in the end, Auntie is dead and Jack gets his girl, Fleur.

Keep It Up Jack have several downsides: it's the same joke over and over,  Mark Jones isn't particularly good, and Sue Longhurst only gets naked at the beginning.  But Maggie Burton more than makes up for any ground lost with these strikes against it.  It's your typical British sex comedy - not one of the best, but definitely not among the worst.  As with any movie that relies heavily on eye candy and sight gags, a high-res restored version would be a huge improvement.


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