Dec 4, 2017

The Ribald Tales of Robin Hood (1969)

It's the age-old tale of Robin Hood, except this time they've added some sleaze and a lot of bad actors... oh, and a really bad director.  But it's still a lot of fun to see how they sexed up the Robin Hood legend in '69.  Let's press play...

Prince John (Steve Vincent) has a problem.  His brother Richard is coming back, and he can't let him return home as king.  So, he's got to tax the shit out of the common folk to build up his treasury (Sound familiar?  Some things never change.)

Too bad there's a bloke named Robin Hood who keeps foiling his plans.  If only there was a way to lure him out of Sherwood Forest.

Not to fear, Lady Sallyforth (Lynn Cartwright) has a plan.

Lady Sallyforth and The Sheriff of Nottingham (C.S. Poole) go directly into the lion's den to confront Robin Hood and his merry band of thieves.

But Robin gets the upper hand and captures Lady Sallyforth.  But before we go onward, a word about Lynn Cartwright and why I'm freaking shocked to see her topless.

Lynn Cartwright was a legit film star.  She's maybe best known today for being the old Geena Davis in A League of Their Own, but she had a long successful mainstream career before that.  She appeared on TV in a ton of including Maverick, Adam-12, Peter Gunn, Dynasty, The Adventures of Rin Tin Tin and Alfred Hitchcock Presents.  The same year as this Robin Hood skin flick came out, she appeared in All the Loving Couples (pictured above) and ten years earlier she appeared in The Wasp Woman.... and so, imagine my shock upon seeing her sans top in this film.

At Prince John's castle is Maid Marian (Dee Lockwood).

Prince John wants to use her as bait to catch Robin Hood.  She's to go to Sherwood Forest and lure Robin Hood away from the safety of the woods.  She'll do it, because if she doesn't, her father will die.

Maid Marian meets with Robin, but she can't go through with it.  Gosh darn it, she loves the ol' thief.

The next scene features Robin Hood's headquarters deep in Sherwood Forest...

Promotional image featuring Friar Tuck

Ambush!  Robin Hood, Maid Marian and Friar Tuck's lady Tina (Terry Sands) are surprised by Prince John and his men.  They capture Robin, but his fate is better than Tina's...

Tina gets raped and murdered by one of Prince John's men.  It's easily the film's darkest scene... and it's long and graphic.

Terry Sands is the film's hottest lady, but she doesn't have any other acting credits.  Her one and only acting gig: show up and get graphically raped.  You see this a lot in films - a hot girl gets degraded on film and never appears on celluloid again - possibly burned by the whole experience.

Anyway, Friar Tuck's girl has been murdered, and he's not going to be too happy about this.  Look out.

This VHS cover features Friar Tuck finding his dead girlfriend.

Maid Marian is locked in the dungeon, and Lady Sallyforth is the inquisitor.

Once again, we get to see Lynn Cartwright topless.  My only beef is her eye makeup - it doesn't do her any favors.  In the scenes where it's on less thick, she looks much, much better.  (A trivial gripe, but it had to be said.)

Anyway, Lady Sallyforth tortures Maid Marian in order to find out where Robin Hood hides the gold.  But Marian ain't tellin'.

Promotional photo featuring this scene

Look who's coming to dinner - it's Robin Hood and band of no-longer-merry men.  They've come to open up a can of whoopass on Prince John and his homicidal rapists.

A battle ensues that would make Errol Flynn proud... well, maybe not proud.  How about not physically upset?

At any rate, Robin and his crew find Maid Marian captive in the dungeon.

Lady Sallyforth has a knife at Maid Marian's throat, but eventually relents.

Robin Hood saves his lady, and they live happily ever after.... except Lady Sallyforth, whom he let's get raped by some of his "merry men".  THE END

Very similar to Lady Godiva Rides Again, this film provides copious nudity, untold amounts of silliness, all in a historical setting.  I imagine it wasn't graphic enough to satisfy the trenchcoat audiences looking for something hardcore.  But if you're looking for fun-filled T&A in the vein of Trader Hornee, this is well worth a look.