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It's not your typical late-night cable thriller - it's a Jim Wynorski film with a couple of guys from my favorite MST3K movie, Sidehackers. Plus, there's Julie Strain and Gail Thackray delivering the full monty, sex in the OJ Simpson jury room, and some nifty retro computers. Let's have a look.
CHARACTERS
Susan (Tammy Parks), murder victim
Brad (Mike Meyer), Susan's widower
Crank (Ross Hagen), detective
Archer (Hoke Howell), detective
Wendy (Gail Harris), Susan's sister
Sasha (Julie Strain), Brad's lover
Beth (Peggy Trentini), Brad's lover
RATING: ☆☆☆☆☆☆☆ 7/10
REVIEW: In the end, it's just a bunch of softcore simulated sex scenes awkwardly woven around a threadbare murder mystery. As much I love some T&A, Brad's sexual flashbacks got old after about an hour; I needed some semblance of plot progression to keep me hanging on. But, it does have Gail Harris/Thackray fully nude. That is a huge check mark in the "plus" column - actually, go ahead and put another hundred check marks for that nude scene. Add a couple Sidehackers alums to the mix, Julie Strain, Tammy Parks (and a number of other actresses copy-pasted in) and I'd say it's definitely worth a watch.
SYNOPSIS
Susan (Tammy Parks) is busy working out in her home gym (wearing VZ1 approved workout attire) when she hears a knock at the door. ...aaaand she's dead. A woman wearing white patent leather pumps enters the room and straight up kills poor Susan. Who is this mysterious female killer? Queue opening title.
Susan's widower, Brad (Mike Meyer) is interviewed by a couple detectives: Crank (Ross Hagen) and Archer (Hoke Howell). Brad attends Susan's funeral accompanied by Wendy (Gail Harris), Susan's sister. Mighty suspicious, doncha think? At least Detective Crank thinks so. Poor Brad goes home, drinks hard liquor, turns on his computer and fantasizes about having sex with his dead wife. He thinks back to having sex with Susan. But his wet dream is interrupted by his memory of finding Susan shot dead in her gym. The horror! Det. Crank isn't buying Brad's story. He's convinced Brad is somehow involved in his wife's murder. Brad is once again having dreams about having sex with Susan. This time it's in the hot tub.
Brad finds the killer's confession on his computer. But he has no idea who wrote it, so he calls upon Crank. Unfortunately, Crank is technologically hopeless. My favorite dialog of the film:
Brad: Don't you see? Somebody else wrote this. Somebody confessed to murdering my wife.
Crank: And did you see who it was?
Brad: Of course not.
Crank: Haven't you been home all day?
Brad: Yeah, but the killer didn't write it here.
Crank: Well if the killer didn't write it, how'd it get on your screen?
Brad tells Crank about the online shenanigans he's been partaking in via an internet "forum" where you share your fantasies. There, he met Sasha (Julie Strain). As you'd expect, Brad and Sasha couldn't keep their tryst online; eventually, Sasha shows up at Brad's house while Susan is getting groceries. Naturally, this leads to wild sex. So, Brad continues to recount the numerous ladies he had affairs with via the online "virtual encounters". Next up is Beth (Peggy Trentini), a court reporter whose fantasy it is to do it in the OJ Simpson jury room. Beth puts on a striptease on the jury table. (splashing cold water on face) Back to the story...
Brad confesses to Wendy that he's been having affairs via an online fantasy service. Wendy is more than familiar with these online dens of iniquity. She tells Brad that she actually watched him bang one of his virtual chicks without him knowing. More than a little creepy. Next, Wendy is inspired to strip nude and skinny dip for Brad. This is a historic moment, folks. Brad proceeds to tell a couple stories of additional affairs (involving spliced-in sex scenes with actresses Annette Burger and Lorissa McComas). Then it's back to the pool scene at hand.... Wendy gets out of the pool. Worth the price of admission, folks. Gail Harris delivers the full monty. Wendy wants to hear another story from Brad about his virtual encounters.
Brad tells the story of a virtual fantasy girl who came over to shag, but required that he blindfolded the whole time. And who do you think this chick was? Our girl Wendy. Yep. Wendy, as it turns out, has quite a thing for Brad... she also is prone to wear white patent leather pumps. Are you starting to connect the dots? Let's be honest, there were only a couple of dots to connect; it's been pretty obvious from the start that Wendy was behind her sister's murder.
For the next fifteen minutes or so, we have to sit through additional footage of Brad's many sexual encounters, as well as some brutally boring police investigation. At this point, I'm kind of done with the sexy flashbacks and the tired Russ Hagen detective work. It's time for things to wrap up. In the climactic scene, Wendy pays a visit to Brad and confesses to killing her sister. Brad is effing horrified and tries to call the police. Wendy decides to waste his ass... but Detective Crank arrives at the perfect time and fills her full of lead. The final words are from Russ Hagen: "I forgot my lighter again." THE END