Jun 14, 2017

Infrasexum (1969)

Infrasexum (1969) from writer/director Carlos Tobalina- A wild, wild ride.  A straight-and-narrow businessman can't get his dick to work, so he goes on a personal quest, finding nympho hippie chicks, murderous criminals, and recreational drug use along the way.  Peter must find himself before he can find his dick; consider it a self-help sleazy travelogue limp-dick fairy tale.  Are you in?  Let's go....

Poor Peter Allison (Eroff Lynn) - he's overworked and his life is utter shit.  He announces to his staff that he's taking a hiatus from the business and going to "find himself".  It is 1969 after all.

Worst of all, Peter just can't get it up with his wife.  No matter how much she tries, no matter how much she begs, he lies there like a wet noodle; his manhood in tatters.  It's time for a life change indeed.

Mrs. Allison is played by 1960s softcore queen, Marsha Jordan.  Daughter of a Gadsen, Alabama minister, student at a convent - but then Delta airlines stewardess and then smut films galore (including gigs on Gunsmoke and Star Trek).

Peter heads to Vegas where he cruises down the strip in his convertible, winning big at every stop he takes.  His luck has really changed.

Take note: The shots of vintage Vegas are dynamite.  You get full views of the casinos and shows with plenty of time to soak in the scenery.  Epic.

Mrs. Allison wakes up to find a goodbye letter from Peter.  "Hasta la vista, bitch.  I'm headed to Vegas."

Check out that couch with the plastic still on it.  That brings back an untold number of memories.

Peter takes his big pile of loot and heads to Hollywood.  Here, he meets up with his shady friend, Carlos - played by Carlos Tobalina, the writer/director of this flick.

Carlos introduces him to the sleazy counter-culture, giving him weed, LSD, and an opportunity to get laid.  But can Peter get it up?  Let's find out...

Carlos definitely does Peter a solid by getting him hooked up with two hippie chicks who do everything in their power to get a rise out of him... to no avail.  It ends with an extremely awkward moment of Peter weeping and crying that he "is not a man" while the naked hippies look on with confusion.

On to Plan B.  Carlos takes Peter to the park, where a shit-ton of hippies are getting stoned, having sex and acting stupid.  I honestly could just watch an entire movie of this.  Watching all these hippies was, for some reason, immensely fascinating.  You usually only get to see the traditional Woodstock style hippies - these loitering, drug dealing hippies were a different species altogether.

I want to know who the cat is with the shades - he just stares into the camera like a badass.

Hey, what's going on here by the laundromat?  A couple of shady characters know about Peter's massive pile of Vegas loot, and they're going to lure Peter to their trap.

Knowing that Peter is both desperate and a pervert, they force the poor girl to call Peter to come over. Of course, he's there in a heartbeat.

I wish I knew this actress' name.  The two thugs are actor Vincent Barbi (identified only as the "kidnapper" in IMDb) and Luis Vargas (as the character, Luis).  Yet, the girl is unidentified.

Anita de Moulin, Kathy Ferrick, Maria Pia, Sharon Matt, Janet Wass... a number of different actresses get credit in this film, but I've no idea which roles they play.  I suppose it really doesn't matter, but I'm just OCD enough to be bothered by it.

Anyhoo.... Peter shows up wearing, of all things, a straw hat and an ascot (WTF?).  The crooks want his money - but I'm a bit confused as to why they would assume he would come carrying his entire Vegas winnings?  He's got a measly hundred dollars on him, and this upsets them.

Any lighthearted and cheesy fun vibe is quickly lost when Luis takes the kidnapped girl and sexually assaults her, and then...

...straight-up murders the poor girl.  The Kidnapper and Luis tie Peter to a tree and give him a good beating.  Then, they carry the nude dead girl out back.

Director Tobalina ogles the naked corpse as she's carried hither and yon, up and across a tiny backyard.  Apparently, it's like the TARDIS, it appears small, but is actually miles long.  You may recall from another VZ1 review, Emmanuel and the Last Cannibals, where essentially the exact same scene is played out: actress Mónica Zanchi is passed out and carried by the cannibals, while the camera endlessly leers.

The camera leers some more as the kidnappers plan to bury her.  Anyway, Peter manages to get free and murders the two crooks with a brick. End of a seemingly pointless side story.

Peter is now able to start a new chapter in his life.  He enjoys milling around the park, feeding the pigeons, and pursuing his dream of being a painter...

"It's a new day. I have in my mind a picture.  I am painting it.  Just in the middle of the sidewalk.  I don't care."  I love this quote.

Soon, ol' Pete is back in the saddle. He's found another chick to bang... Surely, after going medieval on two crooks with a rock, he's found his manhood enough so that he can get to shagging.

Nope. It's an abysmal failure.  Peter still can't get a rise - so, he calls Carlos who's more than happy to play pinch hitter.

Peter calls his shrink.  He's got to find himself and shed his hang-ups before he can once again enjoy love making.

He immerses himself in his painting, and sets up shop in the national park to bask in nature's splendor.  One day, an art expert comes along and recognizes Peter's talent - turning him into a successful painter overnight.  This enables Peter to forgive his father who never had faith in him, and become the artist he always wanted to be.  Freedom, baby!

He's back! He's got his mojo again, and is able to have sex with his nude model.  And so, Peter lived happily ever after.

Infrasexum is poorly directed, poorly acted, poorly written... basically, every single element that can go into filmmaking is done poorly.  Yet, I was diggin' every single minute.  If you're buying what director Carlos Tobalina is selling - a sleazy limp dick travelogue fairy tale - then you're bound to have a fun ride.

Authentic hippies in the wild, copious amounts of full frontal nudity, cool Vegas and LA scenery, and a plot that is so laughably awful, it's a joy to behold.... what more can you ask for?  Sure, it's all empty calories.. but I love Twinkies.

Here's an odd bit of ephemera associated with Infrasexum - it's a waver you had to sign before you were allowed to see the film.  By signing it, you throw your full support to the adult film industry, their production and distribution of such films in your community.  What in the ever-loving f**k?